Do Working Women With No Kids Resent Working Moms?
by Amy Campbell Smith
Over the years, I have missed work because of my children: illness and injury, pediatrician visits, in-service and bad weather days, spring and fall breaks, various parties and programs, and so on.
I have come in early and I’ve left the office late, but only by special arrangement with my husband can I alter my daily schedule by more than about half an hour. My son’s school frowns on parents dropping children off before someone is there to open the place up. They also close at some point and again, they hesitate to sit a kid out on the curb if Mom‘s not there yet. So I’m pretty well blocked in on both ends of my work day. At some point I just have to leave, no matter what I’m in the middle of right at that moment.
This has always made me wonder about working women who don’t have children, and whether they resent those of us who don’t stay late as often, or who miss more work because of child-related commitments.
The debate is an old one. If you have kids, do you get special treatment in that no one really expects you to be the one to stay late every time or have perfect attendance? Is the expectation different for women with no children? On the other hand, the women with no children can work longer hours if they choose and might appear to be more dedicated, and doesn’t this mean they are likely to get promoted faster and make more money? Are the women with children less dedicated to work?
The double-edged sword. Working moms are familiar with this in almost every aspect of life!
A colleague of mine, who is close to my age and single with no kids, was chatting with me one day when I mentioned having to leave a little early for some child-related issue. She told me how sympathetic she was to working moms because she once kept her niece for a week and she remembered the feeling of suddenly being blocked in. She experienced what it felt like to get up early and rush around getting a child to school before your work day started, and then to absolutely have to go at the end of the day regardless of what was happening in the office.
I was pleasantly surprised to find that she understood, and it was not lost on me that her experience, for one week 10 years ago, made such an impression. It’s not easy, and she said as much.
Have you encountered being resented for being a working mom, or ever felt resentful of other working moms, before you had children?
03.10.09
How can society expect people to choose making a living over having a family? If everyone one that had to work had to choose work in lieu of having a family, we'd have no one left in the work force. Yes, I get that we have to be productive and companies have to be profitable, but we need to be more creative as a society about work - for everyone. It is likely that even those without kids will be impacted by aging parents or other disruptive outcomes in their lives. It may come all at once, like a personal illness, or in small doses like leaving at 5 pm to make your child's play or game, but in all cases, we need to support each other and lift each other up.
03.06.09
I am a thirty year old mom with three school aged children. I recently went to interview with a new Real Estate firm, in the middle of the interview, the Broker asked me if I was sure I could be a good mom and a good Realtor. I was floored by that question! my answer to him was, "If my husband was sitting across the table from you, would you ask that same question?" He hesitated, so I got up from the table, thanked him for his time, and walked out. It was obvious that this firm was not the place for me. I found a firm that was more family friendly, and now love the firm I'm with. Don't let them make the interview about what they expect of you, let them know what you will expect of them. If it's not the right fit, and you can afford to turn down the job, try another company.
03.05.09
i've gotten plenty of comments from co-workers about my need to leave on time, but they also know that i do my best to put in my share. for months, i was coming in 2-3 hours earlier than anyone else (better to come in while the family is still sleeping, right?). as my husband works from home, i have a bit more slack...but there are days when he's out on a job, we have a babysitter and i have no choice but having to leave a meeting in a partner's office with my excuse "sorry, i have to relieve my babysitter".
03.05.09
Before I had kids I resented working Moms because I felt as if I was expected to pick up the slack for those who "couldn't" stay late. I don't think it made me any more likely to get a raise or be promoted because employers are always so worried about being sued for discrimination. Now that I have skids I make sure my SO and I have plans in place to cover for the kids without interfering with work. We may need to take a day off, but we don't take any more time than any one else.
03.04.09
What would today's workplace look like if everyone - men/women alike had the experience of having child duty like this colleague - for only a week.