Smothering Mothering.
I mean the peaceful, silly moments with my children. Usually when they have been entertaining themselves by catching caterpillars in the backyard or selling overpriced lemonade to neighbors in the front. My latest favorites include lying next to my seven-year-old in the twilight as she drifts off listening to our local classical music station on the radio; humming “Seasons of Love” from Rent in tune with my 10 year old daughter’s falsetto; and watching Family Guy with my 12 year old son. All free, all unplanned, without a single flashcard or advice book in sight.
Why can’t I feel just as proud of these moments as I do when my kid scores a goal, recites the U.S. presidents, or comes home with an A on a math test? (All rare events, I need to confess.)
“We build an artificial scaffold,” Belkin writes. “Which supports what we have come to think of as parenting truths but are really only parenting trends.”
So true. The pressure to micromanage our children in the name of good parenting is a trend, not a truth. The only truth is loving your children, caring for them as best you can, and scraping together a little (or a lot) of fun along the way.
06.24.09
As a sahm, I don't have extra money for camp, lessons or vacations. I stay home because my paycheck would be eaten up by childcare. My husband though took on a 4/10 shift so we can do the cheap and free stuff with the kids. It also gives us time with them to catch fireflies, plant sunflowers, ride bikes and such. My favorite part is just having ice cream with them and watching a movie of their choice. I never went to camp or took lessons as a child, I was raised by a single mother, and I went on to college and I don't feel I missed out.
06.10.09
cgoff
Thank you! I struggle with guilt occasionally because due to the demands of my job and the nature of my husband's work we can't possibly arrange and transport my children to the events, camps, lessons that my non-working or part time working friends do. I wonder sometimes if I am depriving them of opportunities but at the same time acknowledge the fact that there isn't much I can do short of quitting my job (losing the house,insurance,car....)I try to remember growing up and as you mentioned - very few of my happiest memories included ballet, tennis lessons, tutoring .. but are of the cookouts we would have every Saturday night with friends, going fishing with my grandfather, and watching Wizard of Oz on "movie night." I try to keep things simple- one activity, one summer camp - I find that I am at my best when less "frantic/busy" and my children are at peace as a result.