Let's Talk About Sex.

Have you heard about this book, 365 Nights? It’s about a woman who gave her husband, for his fortieth birthday, the “gift” of sex every night for an entire year. FYI, it’s not a novel. It’s non-fiction. As in, there really is an actual woman - with children – who had sex with her husband every single night for an entire year. When I first heard about it, my immediate reaction was oh, God, I hope my husband doesn’t hear about this. I mean, I adore my husband, but sex every night for a year is not on the short list of things I might give him for his birthday. Or ever. But then I read an article about the book in the Style section of the New York Times, and I just couldn’t resist. I had to show it to him. Look at this, I said, in my most pretend nonchalant voice ever. Some woman had sex with her husband every night for a year, and she wrote a book about it. With even more pretend nonchalance than I had feigned, he took the paper from my hand and read the article. When he finished, he handed it back and avoided making eye contact. That’s interesting, he said. It is interesting, I said back. Then he asked if I thought we should try it, and I said no. Actually, what I think I said was, hell, no, just thinking about it makes me tired.

 

But it did get me thinking. Let’s assume that I didn’t have two kids and a job and a household and a million things racing through my head every single night, let alone a six year old with a habit of sleepwalking into my room at the precise moment that I get into bed and turn off the lights. Even then, would I want to have sex with my husband every single day? Would I want to be a Post Office of sex, delivering the goods through sleet and snow, rain or shine, headaches, cramps, periods, bad moods, I-feel-fat days or just general crankiness? Ummmmm, no, not so much. For me, I want to have sex with my husband because I want to have sex, not because I am contractually obligated to do so. I mean, if we had to have sex every day, no matter what, I think I might start to resent him, even if it was my stupid birthday present idea in the first place. Which is not to say that I wouldn’t necessarily have sex with my husband every day for a year. I mean, if an entire year just happened to be filled with good, I’m-in-the-mood-for-sex kind of days, then sure, why not? Probably, that would be the same year that every day was filled with winning lottery tickets delivered to my doorstep by extremely hot guys riding bareback on unicorns. But hey, you never know.

 

JK
08.26.08

We're moving our 2.5 year old out of our bed this weekend into his own bed in his 4 year old brother's room. New beds for the boys, new Spiderman sheet sets, and hopefully, new sex life for my husband and I. He insists that our younger son's existence in our bed at night is the reason our sex life is dwindling...we have to be inventive in other parts of the house but all that planning for a "quickie" sometimes kills it for me. I'm looking forward to the closeness with him again but not looking forward to how the little guy is going to like sleeping in his own bed in another room. Keep us in your thoughts everybody!

wesleysmama
08.26.08

Kerrydawn, you are not alone! My libido was in full drive during pregnancy and long after (even now). Yet, all the articles I read were telling my HUSBAND to be patient with ME for not wanting sex!
No offense to the author and everyone who agrees, but as we always like to point out, not all women are the same. I'm sure a lot of not wanting sex have more to do with how we view our partners than we want to say. I will admit most of my ardor comes fromt the fact that from the moment he knew I was pregnant, my dh immediately grew up. He took more hours at work, went back to school to finish his degree, did his share of the housework, helped me with the baby, and still found time to tell me what an amazing person I was. Granted he's not perfect sometimes, but just thinking about what he does for his family on a daily basis gets me going. Studies have proved that for women, arousal is a lot more dependent on the brain than the "equipment."
In the end, as long and you and your partner both are happy with the arrangement, that's what matters. If someone's not happy, use your brain and "think." = )

Marilyn
08.26.08

kerrydawn, you are not alone!

kerrydawn
08.26.08

Ok-Am I the only working mom that WISHES she were having sex more frequently...even everyday? I work full-time, have a 3 year old that sleeps in her own bed until about 1am & then joins us in ours...but honestly- I miss it and crave it. I even insisted that my husband see a nutritionist/doctor about his low sex- drive. Life has gotten so funny that at a dinner party this past weekend I was discussing the benefits of polygamy! (Women should have two husbands- one who is a great earner & one that's handy! :)) Anyway- I can't imagine that I'm the only one...

travelsavvymom
08.26.08

I just read a great book on just this subject called "Hump: True Tales of Sex after Kids" (full disclosure: the author is a friend of mine). It's wry, smart, and funny, and worth a read.

On a snarky note, I heard that the 365 days people were VERY relieved when the year was over...

Check out my friend's book here:
www.humpthebook.com

CopywriterMom
08.26.08

I'd say the absence of comments here is a pretty good indication that the taboo still holds strong!

I haven't read the book, but I've heard the buzz, and I think it's an interesting discussion.

My guess is that the 365-day experiment forced the author and her husband to be more creative than they otherwise would have been. This could have helped them both WANT to partake more often, rather than doing so out of obligation to reach their goal.

For some people, going through the motions when you're not in the mood is just that. Others -- particularly those who have a really great relationship with their partners -- may get in the mood just by deciding to go through the motions. Or so I hear.

Either way, it's clearly something that women still aren't comfortable talking about. And, I agree that not having one more standard to compare and gossip about is actually refreshing...

- CopywriterMom
Freelance Writer, Marketing Consultant, & Super Mom
http://www.copywritermom.com

AmyF
08.25.08

I don't even like movies with sex scenes where the actors are married in real life. I can't imagine reading a book documenting 365 days of anybody's sex life.

Amy
www.sofiabean.com