Let's Talk About Sex.

Have you heard about this book, 365 Nights? It’s about a woman who gave her husband, for his fortieth birthday, the “gift” of sex every night for an entire year. FYI, it’s not a novel. It’s non-fiction. As in, there really is an actual woman - with children – who had sex with her husband every single night for an entire year. When I first heard about it, my immediate reaction was oh, God, I hope my husband doesn’t hear about this. I mean, I adore my husband, but sex every night for a year is not on the short list of things I might give him for his birthday. Or ever. But then I read an article about the book in the Style section of the New York Times, and I just couldn’t resist. I had to show it to him. Look at this, I said, in my most pretend nonchalant voice ever. Some woman had sex with her husband every night for a year, and she wrote a book about it. With even more pretend nonchalance than I had feigned, he took the paper from my hand and read the article. When he finished, he handed it back and avoided making eye contact. That’s interesting, he said. It is interesting, I said back. Then he asked if I thought we should try it, and I said no. Actually, what I think I said was, hell, no, just thinking about it makes me tired.

 

But it did get me thinking. Let’s assume that I didn’t have two kids and a job and a household and a million things racing through my head every single night, let alone a six year old with a habit of sleepwalking into my room at the precise moment that I get into bed and turn off the lights. Even then, would I want to have sex with my husband every single day? Would I want to be a Post Office of sex, delivering the goods through sleet and snow, rain or shine, headaches, cramps, periods, bad moods, I-feel-fat days or just general crankiness? Ummmmm, no, not so much. For me, I want to have sex with my husband because I want to have sex, not because I am contractually obligated to do so. I mean, if we had to have sex every day, no matter what, I think I might start to resent him, even if it was my stupid birthday present idea in the first place. Which is not to say that I wouldn’t necessarily have sex with my husband every day for a year. I mean, if an entire year just happened to be filled with good, I’m-in-the-mood-for-sex kind of days, then sure, why not? Probably, that would be the same year that every day was filled with winning lottery tickets delivered to my doorstep by extremely hot guys riding bareback on unicorns. But hey, you never know.

 

sarahcn
08.29.08

If I take my cloths off to get in the shower, and lets be honest that doesn’t happen 7 days a week, my husband thinks I’m in the mood. I love the opportunity to have sex with my husband but it seems like every single time we get our 2 ½ year old and our 17 month old out of our bed long enough to get in the mood some one is crying from the other room. I wish I could say that we had an amazing sex life not lacking in any area. Don’t get me wrong we sneak in time when we can and that makes things exciting but I would love to have sex, fall asleep and wake up the next MORNING with just my hubby!!

crazycuple
08.28.08

I think we having sex over than 400 times in 365 nights/days,i dont think this matter is very heavy.(also this is a compliment to my wife)

lsrth
08.28.08

I am just finding that living with him day in and day out and observing his gross habits is a big turnoff. And I am working 2 jobs, because he does not make enough to pay the bills. There are some real issues here for us. And I am trying to figure out how to get him to go to counselling with me. We have not had sex since February.

LL
08.27.08

My girlfriend is going through the exact same thing. Talks with her husband, questioning why doesn't he want her, is it her, what is it....and although it improved after a while it is going back to the same sexless routine. If she comes up with a solution or a magic pill for the desire, I will let you know. and vice versa...

Grace1728
08.27.08

The timing of this piece is amazing. My husband and I are going through a similar situation right now. I work a 40+ hours work week, half of that work is done from home which means I'm doing business stuff and looking after my 2 little ones age 2 1/2 (and potty training) and 6 months. Not to mention I'm a full time student with a 12 hour semester course load. I love my husband very much, but in all honesty after I've worked, and mommied, and studied...I'm completely beat. I'm on the move from 6 a.m. to midnight. As soon as I stop moving or transition from a vertical to a horizontal position, I'm asleep. I've tried the sexy lingerie and all that jazz, but laying all posed up in the bed for my husband will result in me dozing off if I'm left there for longer than 5 minutes. I mean there are days when a 10 minute shower or actually being able to sit and eat a meal are like luxuries! It's just difficult to fit sex into the equation. I know somethings got to give, but what?

karrieherzog
08.27.08

I'm torn...I know if I found out I was behind the ball so to speak in the sex arena, I would feel guilty...however, if I found out that I fall right in there with everyone else it would make me feel better about our frequency (or lack thereof)...hum...I guess it's up to each couple to figure out what works for them isn't it?

prasanna
08.27.08

kerrydawn, you r truly not alone.
somehow no one voices it.

beckymph
08.27.08

I am sex and relationships e-coach at Sensovi Institute, and I thought some of you may be interested in an online program we have called E-Sensual Woman. A lot of the women have expressed similar issues: loss of desire, feeling anxious or fearful of sex, and some have issues with painful sex or other medical issues. What we have in common is a DESIRE for more DESIRE in our relationships. We encourage each other and get insight from a certified sex therapist as we progress through the "homework." It's a fraction of the cost of counseling, so it may be something that could help you re-ignite the passion in your relationship.
Becky
www.Sensovi.com/esw

cmackie62
08.27.08

What a timely topic! After dealing with an ornery, impatient and often angry husband for many years, I came across a book called "The Sexless Marriage" and it made me really think about how I had to be the one to make our sex life (after nearly 20 years of marriage and three kids) more of a priority. After all, once we start, I usually enjoy it! It's just getting started that's tough -- especially with work, kids, etc. It's been about a month since I made a conscious effort to change, and the change in my husband has been unbelievable. He's now more patient, loving, kind and helpful. I should have made the effort long ago. Would I advocate for once a day for a year? No way! But a few times a week -- absolutely. It's made a world of difference in our relationship. Girls -- do try and make the effort. It's a lot more difficult for the guys because they're egos get bruised after being turned down many times. rned down.

sunset-2177
08.26.08

My husband is always in the mood, except for that time of the month. When we have the rare occasions that we have sex 3 times in a week or a few nights in a row, he is also in agreement that we are too exhausted to for another night.
There are times that I'm too exhausted after working 6 days a week and taking care of eveything at home for him and our 2 year old son to even think about sex, but then when we do it's well worth the wait.