My Sobering Secret.
by Stefanie Wilder-Taylor
I talk about drinking a lot on my blog. I've talked about it a lot in my books. I really like to drink. I like the way wine softens the edges, smoothes out the line between "their time" and "my time," helps me to feel relaxed, helps me tune out. But I drink too much. I drink seven nights a week. Sometimes just a glass of wine but usually two or three or even more. I always seem to have some sort of excuse like, "Today was an exceptionally stressful day so I deserve an extra glass now that it's all done."
I drank often when Elby was a baby to help deal with the stress of a new infant. I found myself drinking more than I had before I became a parent and I drank with other moms to bond and unwind (yes, I'm the cocktail play date mom and I stand by it being a healthy thing to do in moderation, in walking distance, if you’re not me). Before I got pregnant with the twins I had pretty much stopped drinking because I felt it was becoming a habit so when I was pregnant, it was extremely easy not to drink. But when the twins were born and I was home and my milk was dried up and postpartum was setting in, the simplest thing to do seemed to be have a glass of wine.
It was only too darn easy to fall back into the pattern (especially once the babies started having a regular bedtime) of having my wine every night. For some people I'm sure this is a nice thing, a tribunal thing (a drink at the end of the day with their spouse or friends). For others it might be a once in awhile treat to go out and have a couple of cocktails. For me, it's become a nightly compulsion and I'm outing myself to you; all of you: I have a problem.
I quit on Friday, May 22nd.
I've wavered before on this issue thinking, "But lots of times I have one glass of wine." Well, unfortunately, especially lately, most times I don't just have one -sometimes I have four. And being compulsive, I can't be trusted to "just cut down" because lord knows I’ve tried it.
06.03.09
To AManfred...Seriously....seriously. A woman just bared her soul and reached out with a problem and that is what encouragement you give her? Shame on you.
06.03.09
You are an amazing, strong woman/mommy to share your story with all of us. I know it must be a hard realization and from experience I know that it is a frightening and difficult change. At 42 my mother was close to and my father was at the point you were at. My father was not able to take control of his problem with alcohol and ultimately died from it at the age of 63. Hopefully you will get alot of support from sharing your story. Hopefully over time you will find that you enjoy your alcohol free evenings more than you ever did those before!
06.03.09
cgoff
Giving up drinking was one of the hardest but best things I have ever done both for myself and those I love. It has been ten years and with the help of a program I continue to take it one day at a time. I can't tell you it isn't hard at times- most especially at the end of a overwhelming day juggling work and children. I don't think I will ever forget the release the alcohol brought me. However, I can't forget the fact that I no longer found relief with alcohol -I created more problems for myself, felt guilt and shame, and ultimately lost myself. I cannot forget that I can't drink like my friends - it was never just one and there was never enough. I hope you have friends and family to support your decision. I hope sobriety brings you all the joy and freedom I have found! Blessings to you -
06.03.09
Great, honest blog! I hope you can connect with other sober moms as it really helps to have support from people who get it. good luck and keep counting up those days.
06.03.09
I see myself in your story. I've tried to quit entirely, but have been unsuccessful so far. You've inspired me. . . thank you!
06.03.09
I commend you for sharing your story. You should be incredibly proud of yourself.
Heidi
http://www.singleworkingmama.com
06.03.09
I was JUST having a conversation about this with my fun/sassy/awesome sister-in-law who confided in me that she was having a problem stopping at one glass and was contemplating quitting. But that she was worried about how this would change her life. I told her what I'll tell you...the people who have a problem with your decision to quit are the people who need to question their own sad life to understand why they wouldn't want what's best for their friend/sister/mother. You deserve nothing but support. And the people in your life worth sticking with are the people who will not only stand by you, they will applaud you.
06.03.09
Stefanie- Your honesty is sobering in itself. Change can be difficult, especially one this challenging. I would really like to encourage you to go to AA meetings. I know lame, right? Hear me out before skipping to the next comment: I understand the disease from your children's point of view. My father was an alcoholic who admitted it from time to time and would use those moments of clarity to "quit." He always back slid, until he started AA a year or so ago shortly after he hit my mother for the first time. AA will surround you with people just like you who are afraid, unsure and hurt from past experiences. You'll find ears and shoulders and understanding there as well. I wish you good luck on your new "awake" journey in life.
06.03.09
No! Come on, I quote your books, I've told all my friends to read it. It is totally fine to have a few drinks a night, as long as you are not hurting your children or driving while drunk. You only go around once, if you are more comfortable drinking at social situations, you should.
06.03.09
Wow. What you've done is brave. It's scary being a sober mom - yes, the worries never go away. But you will be a better mom and that's what counts in the end. Do you have a support system you can rely on? Your husband sounds like he's behind you. You'll need friends also, and AA. And, of course, your loyal readers!