My Sobering Secret.
by Stefanie Wilder-Taylor
I talk about drinking a lot on my blog. I've talked about it a lot in my books. I really like to drink. I like the way wine softens the edges, smoothes out the line between "their time" and "my time," helps me to feel relaxed, helps me tune out. But I drink too much. I drink seven nights a week. Sometimes just a glass of wine but usually two or three or even more. I always seem to have some sort of excuse like, "Today was an exceptionally stressful day so I deserve an extra glass now that it's all done."
I drank often when Elby was a baby to help deal with the stress of a new infant. I found myself drinking more than I had before I became a parent and I drank with other moms to bond and unwind (yes, I'm the cocktail play date mom and I stand by it being a healthy thing to do in moderation, in walking distance, if you’re not me). Before I got pregnant with the twins I had pretty much stopped drinking because I felt it was becoming a habit so when I was pregnant, it was extremely easy not to drink. But when the twins were born and I was home and my milk was dried up and postpartum was setting in, the simplest thing to do seemed to be have a glass of wine.
It was only too darn easy to fall back into the pattern (especially once the babies started having a regular bedtime) of having my wine every night. For some people I'm sure this is a nice thing, a tribunal thing (a drink at the end of the day with their spouse or friends). For others it might be a once in awhile treat to go out and have a couple of cocktails. For me, it's become a nightly compulsion and I'm outing myself to you; all of you: I have a problem.
I quit on Friday, May 22nd.
I've wavered before on this issue thinking, "But lots of times I have one glass of wine." Well, unfortunately, especially lately, most times I don't just have one -sometimes I have four. And being compulsive, I can't be trusted to "just cut down" because lord knows I’ve tried it.
06.05.09
I think its great that you are evaluating your behavior before its too late. But if you are being truthful about how much you are drinking, having a couple of glasses of wine a day a few days a week is not bad for you. I say this because as Mom's we are soooo hard on ourselves and so are others. Never before in history have we been more judged, expected to be so perfect, our kids be perfect, yada yada yada. It is hard. So allowing ourselves to have time to relax and not be perfect is very important because at the end of the day we are only human beings. Knowing when to check yourself is very important but its not good to be too hard on yourself. Good luck to you and may you find the answers you are looking for.
06.05.09
If you think struggling with young children is hard, wait until they are teenagers. I am a mom of two girls 13 and 16 and stepmom to two boys 15 and 18 and a girl 11. When my girls were small I never drank. In fact I was kind of judgemental of the other moms on my block who all shared a bottle of wine every day. I thought they had a drinking problem and I cringed when they tried to convince me to have a drink along with them. My father was an alcoholic. A few years ago when I went through my divorce, I took a wine appreciation class and let's just say I starting appreciating wine too much. When it became hard to break the habit I knew I had a problem, but was still in denial until I read your essay. You have inspired me. It took tremendous courage to admit what you did. Yesterday, when I was in the grocery store shopping for dinner, I DID NOT buy my usual bottle of wine. Instead I bought sparkling non-alcoholic iced tea and that's what I will be drinking from now on.
Carol www.shwanda.com
06.05.09
Hi,
I too recently quit drinking. 2 weeks ago. I am 40 y.o. mom of three teens. I too drank to cut the edge, relax, take some warranted "me" time. I'll be honest.....It's hard! I am holding my own but I miss it. And now I find myself trying to keep myself busy so I won't think about having a drink. I have cleaned every nook in my house...now what? I also find myself rationalizing...I've been good ...so I deserve a drink. Wrong. I know it will start the over use all over again. I guess I am writing to let you know. You are not alone in your quest! Please if you ever need someone to write...I'm here. I could always use someone to keep me busy.
ciao
R
06.05.09
Good for you!! Life is hard and not easy and I think you really made alot of people feel better reading your post. I will be following you too know, best of luck and god bless...
06.05.09
What a wonderful, honest article. I smoked cigarettes before I got pregnant, quit all through my pregnancy, then began again after my daughter was born just so I could go outside for a few minutes to myself during naptime. I felt like I deserved it after a "crazy" morning or afternoon or whatever it was. Your article brought me into reality. I am going to quit. I don't want to rush my child to naptime, just so I can go outside and give myself cancer.
Thank you so much. You may have saved us with just a few words on a page.
06.05.09
As a daughter of an alchoholic mother, I can say that you have done the best thing for yourself and your family. History repeats itself but can stop with you. Hugs and love from Chicago1!
http://emotionbehindmoney.com/blog
06.05.09
Wow. What a very honest, very touching post. I know this fear. And the fact that you've recognized the need to make this change and share it with the world are very good signs that you won't "get into trouble." I'll be keeping you in my thoughts. Thank you for this. For those of us who have been there or are in this spot now, it's so good to see such an eloquent description to relate to. Good luck to you, dear.
06.05.09
I somehow stumbled on this article and I had to register and post a comment. I feel like I wrote this article. I am a 28 yr old mother of three girls (a 3 yr old and a set of 1 yr old twins). I work full time, and I bring my girls with me. I work for my family out of my fathers home office. My husband works a lot, leaving me at home with the girls. It's nice to know I'm not the only person who feels like this...
06.04.09
You are so brave to share this with all of us and I wish you the best. I read your blog article earlier in the week, but didn't comment. For a couple of nights in a row, I thought of you when I looked at the fridge and thought I might like a beer/glass of wine. I too drink almost every night. Not a lot, but it has changed as my life has changed. Having a baby has shifted me from a weekend only drinker of multiple drinks in one night, to a most-days-of-the-week drinker of one or two. Occasionally a couple more. I still don't think I'm out of control, but there is a growing voice in the back of my head that says, "no one starts out with a big problem. It grows over time." You've really given me some inspiration to take it more seriously. I have a lot of alcoholism in my family. I have seen how bad it can get. Thank you very much for sharing your experience. I love your writing. You are so smart and funny. I've no doubt that will NOT change!
06.04.09
Good luck to you, and thank you for being so honest with all of us.