Thank you for your honesty. This is the first time I've heard my story. It starts so innocuously and ends with an inability not do it. It is not unlike grabbing a box of cookies and finding you've eaten the whole thing. At least when it comes to food, I can stop putting it in my mouth. With the glass of wine, no matter how many times I say just two, it ends when the bottle is gone. I want to tune out the demands of the day and fall into my own little place.

I have found I can replace the euphoria of the wine with watercolor. That same sense of isolation and down time with water-coloring. I find I can be lost in it for a few hours late at night. I sleep well, I don't wake up with a hang over. I am more centered for the next day. It is my meditation. I have obtained my need to o be still with nothing else taping into my consciousness but the thoughts of my soul.

Thanks for being so honest. My downfall is beer and karoake on my Thursday night out. I spend the next 6 days feeling guilty that I even do that (I do not drive drunk, it's quite a period of time before I leave). What kind of mom loves to go to the tavern and drink and smoke? I always judged before I had kids and figured it was alcoholics, drug addicts, etc. that did that, not a middle class, educated woman.

I stay at home with my 2 children and watch 3 neighbor kids which are all under 4 yrs of age. So, it's not that I feel guilty about net spending time with them. Why can't I get on the right track and find a positive hobby? I feel like I'm addicted to my "time away".

On my other 6 nights a week, I will be at home and crack a beer as soon as all the kids go home. Not every night and harldy ever is it more than 1 at home a night, sometimes a half and I'll save it for the next day, but still...

I wish you luck and am very glad that I am not the only one who feels this way.

Good luck to you. My daughter started doing AA after she reached bottom a few years ago. Sobriety has given her a whole new life in many ways. It's not perfect, but she now has and will have a much better quality of life w/ her son, now a teen, than she would have, had she kept drinking. Alcohol also wears your body down. Since you had your kids late in life, you need all the energy, physical and mental you can harness to deal w/ 3 little ones. It seems as if AA gives you that strong, ongoing support that really helps. I wish you well and I hope that the sharing of experiences here will benefit many, including you.

Hello, I am 59 , raised two kids with a husband who traveled and whose career caused us to be transferred to such garden spots as Tupelo, Miss and Dayton, OH. I now have two grandsons who live far away out of state. Being a caregiver to an inlaw with Alzheimers ( who died in Feb. '09 ) was the catalyst for my wine drinking career which began in Nov. 2007. Thanks you Yellow Tail Chardonnay. Now he is gone, the stress is gone but I continue with my wine. The worst part is I have Diabetes. Hello? Not a good idea to drink wine with this disease. I beg you t o get help with your wine habit. Try AA for awhile till you are sure you are over it. Your kids deserve the effort. Me? Party on! My excuse now? I have always always hated cooking and dishes. Wine takes the tedium out of it!!

old as the hills now w/ grown kids. My wakeup call on alcohol was the day I had to go get wine to finish halloween costumes when they were 6 & 4 at 10 am and later in the day took them to a Halloween party at the local Catholic church having been using wine all day. Stopping isn't the problem. Staying stopped is. Best not to go it alone - get a group of some kind: AA for women or a drop in counseling group - I did that. 23 years ago - so glad I did. Your skin will thank you. Your hair. And yes, your children. In Maine....

I'd like to recommend a book that has made a huge difference in our lives--End Your Addiction Now, by Charles Gant, MD, PhD. It's a program of vitamins and supplements and it works! Also, read what Dr. Jonathan Wright says about low-dose lithium for people who want to stop drinking:
http://www.tahoma-clinic.com/lithium2.shtml Best of luck to you!

Your article hit home in a very direct way. I too wonder the exact things about myself. My question to you is are you getting outside support? AA or something like it? Because I have tried to cut down many times only to go right back to where I was before. Good Luck & I'm so very proud of you.

You know the old saying -- "Admitting it is the first (and hardest) step! My sister and I grew up with an alcoholic mother. We never knew what to expect from hour to hour (sometimes kind and loving - sometimes violent and angry - mostly the latter unfortunately). She has been drinking as far back as I can remember (25+ years and counting) and has stopped more times than you can imagine. She could always justify going back to it. She's going to AA meetings now and still sneaking it when she can and thinks that nobody notices. I am the mom of 4 beautiful girls and go out of my way to be the total opposite of my mom. Unfortunately, even the three oldest girls can tell when grandma has an "off" day! I can't tell you how much good you are doing for your children! I am so happy for and proud of you. I know it will be very very hard at times but you will reap amazing rewards in the end and your husband especially will admire this tremendous task that you are undertaking and love you all the more for it! The other old saying -- "If you fall off the wagon, dust yourself off and get right back on again!" Godspeed on your journey ahead! Please keep us posted on your progress - We'll be here for all the encouragement and backup you need!!!

Wow -- I applaud you not only for being so honest, but also for bringing up something that hits home for all moms I know - how do we manage the tremendous pressure of being mothers? Is it an evening cocktail (or 6??), antidepressants, sleeping pills (hello Tylenol PM!!)? We all find a way to cope with this and sometimes our coping mechanisms aren't always the healthiest. As always, you're insight and willingness to share so much of yourself in your writing gives me much to ponder. It is through honestly sharing our struggles that we learn and grow. Thank you for sharing your story!!

Once you become a mother, and spend great amount of time alone with small children, it becomes clear why so many women were popping tranquilizers half a century ago, and why many mothers drink today.

Your column gave me an opportunity to take a look at my own drinking habits, as I do enjoy an evening cocktail since I had children, and became a housewife.

I applaud your ability to hold the mirror up to yourself, and do so in a public way. I know this is not easy.

It inspired my thoughts today on my own blog, Hausfrau.

For more, see:
http://njhausfrau.blogspot.com/2009/06/coffee-and-cocktails.html