My Sobering Secret.
by Stefanie Wilder-Taylor
I talk about drinking a lot on my blog. I've talked about it a lot in my books. I really like to drink. I like the way wine softens the edges, smoothes out the line between "their time" and "my time," helps me to feel relaxed, helps me tune out. But I drink too much. I drink seven nights a week. Sometimes just a glass of wine but usually two or three or even more. I always seem to have some sort of excuse like, "Today was an exceptionally stressful day so I deserve an extra glass now that it's all done."
I drank often when Elby was a baby to help deal with the stress of a new infant. I found myself drinking more than I had before I became a parent and I drank with other moms to bond and unwind (yes, I'm the cocktail play date mom and I stand by it being a healthy thing to do in moderation, in walking distance, if you’re not me). Before I got pregnant with the twins I had pretty much stopped drinking because I felt it was becoming a habit so when I was pregnant, it was extremely easy not to drink. But when the twins were born and I was home and my milk was dried up and postpartum was setting in, the simplest thing to do seemed to be have a glass of wine.
It was only too darn easy to fall back into the pattern (especially once the babies started having a regular bedtime) of having my wine every night. For some people I'm sure this is a nice thing, a tribunal thing (a drink at the end of the day with their spouse or friends). For others it might be a once in awhile treat to go out and have a couple of cocktails. For me, it's become a nightly compulsion and I'm outing myself to you; all of you: I have a problem.
I quit on Friday, May 22nd.
I've wavered before on this issue thinking, "But lots of times I have one glass of wine." Well, unfortunately, especially lately, most times I don't just have one -sometimes I have four. And being compulsive, I can't be trusted to "just cut down" because lord knows I’ve tried it.
07.01.10
kdiane, I totally can relate! I drink a bottle of wine almost every night upstairs in my room when the kids have gone to bed. My husband doesn't come to bed until late so I don't think he is completely aware. But I'm sick of it!! It's not worth it and I know it, but it's so hard to just stop.
05.13.10
What a relief it is to read that other mom's are going through this. I am the mother of two daughter's (9 and 10). I am the daughter of an alcoholic father and never started drinking until after my first daughter was born in 2000. I drank socially in HS and college but never stored or desired alcohol until after my first daughter was born.
My husband was working very long hours and I was home with a crying baby so I started to have a beer when I was waiting for him. Fourteen months later my second daughter was born. I never drank with either of them (not because I am a strong person but b/c everything made me sick).
Fast-forward twelve years and I am an alcoholic. I drink up-to two bottles of wine a night. I think that I am slick but know that my husband is aware and totally sick of it. I am sick of it. I grew up with an alcoholic parent. I swore that I would never do to my children what my dad did to me...I have tried so hard to stop. This is the only time I have not lied. I lie to my psychiatrist, husband, friends, etc...I feel anonymous here so the truth comes out. I am so ANGRY that I have become what I hate the most. Can anyone relate?
05.13.10
What a relief it is to read that other mom's are going through this. I am the mother of two daughter's (9 and 10). I am the daughter of an alcoholic father and never started drinking until after my first daughter was born in 2000. I drank socially in HS and college but never stored or desired alcohol until after my first daughter was born.
My husband was working very long hours and I was home with a crying baby so I started to have a beer when I was waiting for him. Fourteen months later my second daughter was born. I never drank with either of them (not because I am a strong person but b/c everything made me sick).
Fast-forward twelve years and I am an alcoholic. I drink up-to two bottles of wine a night. I think that I am slick but know that my husband is aware and totally sick of it. I am sick of it. I grew up with an alcoholic parent. I swore that I would never do to my children what my dad did to me...I have tried so hard to stop. This is the only time I have not lied. I lie to my psychiatrist, husband, friends, etc...I feel anonymous here so the truth comes out. I am so ANGRY that I have become what I hate the most. Can anyone relate?
01.13.10
I guess my first thought is similar to flowersmomm. Thank you very much for being so honest. Alcohol abuse is such a secretive subject for women because as teenage boys are congratulated for being able to "chug" women are seen as unladylike. We have to be honest with each other in order to overcome this disease.
I would love to hear more of your story and maybe have you guest blog if that's okay.
sobrietydiva@gmail.com
www.womenstreatmentprogram.com
08.31.09
I just finished reading Mommy Doesn't Drink Here Anymore and I am amazed after reading this book and your post how many of us have created the same habits. I know that I am an alcoholic. My drinking became a real issue after my last son was born. Dealing with 2 year old twin boys and an infant was too much for me to deal with so I would unwind with a couple of glasses of wine. Now, two years later I drink everyday and it is more like 5-7 glasses. I think about quitting daily but my mind plays games with me. I haven't admitted that I am an alcoholic to anyone, including my husband, although I am sure he is aware. It is a scary place to be and I wish that I was strong and brave enough to admit my problem and get help. You are very brave. Thank you for sharing your story!
08.06.09
I just linked to this post on my blog, http://www.drinkingdiaries.com, where women go to spill their drinking diaries. In my own post, "My First Drink," I say how, as the daughter of an alcoholic, I learned early on to view drinking as all or nothing--if you have that mentality, it's very challenging to just stop at one glass. Thanks for your honesty, and we'd love to have you blog for us some time, if you are so inclined!
08.06.09
I just linked to this post on my blog, http://www.drinkingdiaries.com, where women go to spill their drinking diaries. In my own post, "My First Drink," I say how, as the daughter of an alcoholic, I learned early on to view drinking as all or nothing--if you have that mentality, it's very challenging to just stop at one glass. Thanks for your honesty, and we'd love to have you blog for us some time, if you are so inclined!
08.06.09
I just linked to this post on my blog, http://www.drinkingdiaries.com, where women go to spill their drinking diaries. In my own post, "My First Drink," I say how, as the daughter of an alcoholic, I learned early on to view drinking as all or nothing--if you have that mentality, it's very challenging to just stop at one glass. Thanks for your honesty, and we'd love to have you blog for us some time, if you are so inclined!
07.23.09
I could always be counted on to be the defacto designated driver in my group because it wasn't even a sacrifice to not drink. I'd seen my father do it for all of my childhood ( He finally sought help and he's not had a drop for almost twenty years now.)
But slowly it became every other night, then every night. I switched from wine to beer thinking less alcohol concentration (5% instead of 13%) would be better for me but just as you can't be a little bit pregnant, you also can't be a little less alcoholic.
Since cutting it out completely, my stomach doesn't churn when I stand up. I don't snap due to hangover, nor do i feel remorseful the next day, my skin and hair is much much better and yes, i've lost a few saggy pounds.
I can meet the eye of shopkeepers (and, now I stand in judgement of the ones at the liquor stores- they're dealers just selling addicts a different drug.)
Outside help makes it so much easier.
Stephanie, write about it as much or a little as you feel you want.
Best wishes, Sirenna
07.09.09
Thank you for being so honest. I am 36 and trying to conceive baby #1. Nightly drinking has become a pathetic habit for me too. Always wanting to get away and "relax" from the day...but what am I so damn stressed about? I have a fabulous life and so much to be grateful for. Like you, I have issues that haunt me from time to time, but hell, who doesn't?? Thanks so much for telling my story. Good luck to you! Bravo to you for being so strong.