My Sobering Secret.

by Stefanie Wilder-Taylor

 

I talk about drinking a lot on my blog. I've talked about it a lot in my books. I really like to drink. I like the way wine softens the edges, smoothes out the line between "their time" and "my time," helps me to feel relaxed, helps me tune out. But I drink too much. I drink seven nights a week. Sometimes just a glass of wine but usually two or three or even more. I always seem to have some sort of excuse like, "Today was an exceptionally stressful day so I deserve an extra glass now that it's all done."

 

I drank often when Elby was a baby to help deal with the stress of a new infant. I found myself drinking more than I had before I became a parent and I drank with other moms to bond and unwind (yes, I'm the cocktail play date mom and I stand by it being a healthy thing to do in moderation, in walking distance, if you’re not me). Before I got pregnant with the twins I had pretty much stopped drinking because I felt it was becoming a habit so when I was pregnant, it was extremely easy not to drink. But when the twins were born and I was home and my milk was dried up and postpartum was setting in, the simplest thing to do seemed to be have a glass of wine.

 

It was only too darn easy to fall back into the pattern (especially once the babies started having a regular bedtime) of having my wine every night. For some people I'm sure this is a nice thing, a tribunal thing (a drink at the end of the day with their spouse or friends). For others it might be a once in awhile treat to go out and have a couple of cocktails. For me, it's become a nightly compulsion and I'm outing myself to you; all of you: I have a problem.

 

I quit on Friday, May 22nd.

 

I've wavered before on this issue thinking, "But lots of times I have one glass of wine." Well, unfortunately, especially lately, most times I don't just have one -sometimes I have four. And being compulsive, I can't be trusted to "just cut down" because lord knows I’ve tried it.

ExWinoMom
09.27.13

I'm a non religious AA member. What I love about AA is that it is a spiritual program where you use a Higher Power to turn your life over to for guidance and sanity. A Higher Power doesn't have to be Jesus or Allah or anything. It could be a tomato.

ExWinoMom
09.27.13

These may as well be my words. I'm in AA now, got so much alcoholism in my family, better for me to stay sober. Are you in AA?

VT3
05.24.13

Kdiane I felt like I was reading my own life story when I read your post. The reality of it has brought me to tears. I am also the daughter of an alcoholic father and a long line of alcoholics. I also swore I would never put my children through the pain. My father died last June very lonely and isolated. I loved him dearly, and he was never abusive, just mentally absent.
I did not start drinking heavily until I moved to another state with my husband and 2 children. I hated it here, and it was very hard to get to know people in this small town. So I turned to drinking. The only time during my 8 years of living here that I have stayed sober more than a few weeks is when I got pregnant with my third child at 40. A complete shocker and I was drunk when I got pregnant. How sweet. I did not know I was pregnant until about 3 months. So of course I drank heavily until I found out. I gat sober after I found out. I thank God everyday she turned out perfect and healthy. She is such a blessing. After her birth, I sank back into a dark place and started again. I love red wine and vodka. I am so ashamed of all the things I have done. Yes I hide it for awhile from my husband and children, but its hard to hide when you pass out every night. I am also tired of being hung over everyday and not enjoying life with my kids. You know you are mother of the year when you show up at girl scouts to pick up your daughter drunk!
I really hate myself for the disappointment I have been. I am ashamed and feel like I am all alone in this problem. I work full-time and have managed to hide it from my co-workers. But I feel like crap lots of days. I have not had a drink in 4 days, and I pray I can make it through Memorial Day weekend sober. Thank you for your post.

Snoopy
02.07.13

I am a working mum of two ages 2 and 7, I too started increasing my drinking since they were born. To ease into adult time, ease the horrific work to school pick up, cooking dinner, homework and bed time extravaganza and to switch off the racing thoughts in my mind to all the tasks that lay ahead before I even made it into the car to work. 2 glasses soon become at least a bottle a night .recently I started suffering from panick attacks and anxiety at work and on Monday after fleeing work due to an extreme attack i ended up at the doctors sobbing, hyperventilating. I am now on tablets to calm me down and have been signed off work. I have had no booze since Monday and see the doctor again tomorrow, they think my prolonged and daily drinking has caught up with me and has benn sending me into a hypo like diabetics get..Am scared , frightened ashamed, and could kill for a glass of red!

emsmom
01.18.13

I saw you last night on Primetime and for the first time I knew I wasnt alone. Do you have any links for support. Im not interested in AA because Im not religous. Any other groups you could recommend?

pierdol
11.26.12

Thank you for being so honest and sharing this part of your journey with us. I know you are not alone--in your desire to drink and your desire to stop needing to drink. Please continue to be honest with us about this process and know that you've got a community here to help support you along the way.
tutaj

carinastratton
09.25.12

I too have developed a drinking problem. With two kids ages 2 and 4 I have gone from drinking very little before kids to a bottle a night. Both my parents are alcoholics. I'm so ashamed. I haven't told anyone though I know my husband knows. Waking up with shaking hands and a hangover everyday is getting old. What once helped me relax and be creative is now putting me to bed early and robbing my daily walks. I need to stop. Thank you for sharing your story. Reading the other comments from moms also helps. I'm scared. I need to find support. Hopefully I will find the courage to out myself to my teacher today. Thank you Thank you

accountingdiva
06.06.12

For the first time ever, I will admit that I have a drinking problem now. I have an 11-year old and an 8-year old - both wild boys. My husband and I are in the midst of a messy divorce and I have turned to drinking for relief, as unhealthy as it may be. I used to be so on top of things and now I have this issue.... My 11-year-old is unfortunately, turning out like his father, and it is killing me...so I meditate with wine :( I need girlfriends to support me so if you read this please comment :)We just need a great support system! Good luck to all of you!

momofzandn
05.31.12

Thank you for posting this. I am going through a terrible time right now. I have to go to rehab as soon as a bed is open, but I couldn't be more scared. I always was just the "fun drunk." Now that I have a husband and two small children, I can't do it anymore. I am in a dark place and need lots of support, so it's nice to know I am not the only one out there, even though I don't wish this on anyone! Keep posting and for everyone else, be strong!

basson123
03.14.12

hi,
thanks for sharing! its helping! dress shop