A Stay-at-Home-Mom at Last.

by Regan McMahon

 

During my entire career as a working-mother, I have been torn, pushed and pulled between my job as a mom and the one that earned me a paycheck. For so long I wished I could afford to be a stay-at-home mom, longing to be with my babies when they were tiny, disappointed at how many events I had to miss because they occurred during the school day, resentful at having to cram everything in—homework, dinner, baths, play, reading—between the 6 p.m. pickup at daycare and bedtime just a couple of hours later.

 

Be careful what you wish for.

 

Now that I took a buyout and am working at a desk in our guest room rather than in an office 30 minutes away across a bay, I finally get to be a stay-at-home mom—at least until l I find a new job. My son, Kyle, is already in his first year of college, living 400 miles away in a dorm, but when he was home for winter break for three weeks, I got to spend time with him on weekdays in the daylight, which would never have happened if I were still commuting into the city every day.

 

My daughter, Hayley, is in her first year of high school, and theoretically needs me less. But in fact, she still needs me. Maybe not in the same ways she did before she was a teenager, but she still does.

 

Her high school doesn’t need me. It’s not like her K-8 school, which always needed volunteer parents to come in and serve as teacher’s aides, cutting construction paper, stapling sheets of test questions together, or pouring punch at an in-class holiday party. The parent committees may put out a call for help at the silent auction or fundraising dinner, but no one needs me in the classroom now. I was a speaker on career day when Kyle went there. But that’s the only time I’ve contributed in the classroom on a school day.

 

Today I did run Hayley’s forgotten lunch box up to school. I thought those days were over. But it was a minimum day and she was staying after school for play rehearsal, and I knew she’d have no option to get food, so I hopped in the car and took it up to her. If circumstances were different, I might have been annoyed. But since I had the time, I didn’t mind, and I secretly enjoyed coming to the rescue—something I never could have done had I been at work.

 

Between freelancing and job-hunting, I still feel like I’m working all the time. I’m glued to the computer all day and many nights, but I am trying to be more responsive when Hayley asks me to help her with her homework, watch a TV show with her, or sit and talk while we have a snack. I know how lucky I am to have a teenager who still wants to hang out with me, and I realize this window of opportunity could slam shut in an instant. I could get a new job that makes me less available, or Hayley could become so friend-centric (as is appropriate at her age) that she no longer has time for us.

 

Teen Telefonsex
07.04.11

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sarah wilson
07.02.11

Great post

eugenedavis1026
05.20.11

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Irish Lass
12.30.10

I found your story especially heartwarming. That is exactly what being a mom is. You can never get the time you spent away from your children back. It is precious. I've found that the kids who have close relationships with their families are less likely to make bad decisions when they get older. Your kids will not remember you by what you did in the boardroom, but they will remember the memories you created with them.

TaraNelson
02.06.09

How wonderful that you took that opportunity to be with her right then and there. I'm sure that she does, and will in the future, appreciate it. I suspect that there are many women like us, who look back on working long hours while their children were still young and wished they could have been at home more as well. As the economy tightens and my consulting workload lightens considerably, I miss my daughter, now far away at college, even more. I see days when I have no work commitments and we could be cooking together or cleaning the attic (a favorite activity especially when it includes discovering relics of my life when I was her age), but now she is no longer here to have fun with. And I mourn all the more.

mmb3
02.04.09

Lovely passage.