Angie, Say it Isn't So.

Angie,

 

Hi again, how are the kids, how’s Brad, blah blah blah…ARE YOU HAVING ANOTHER BABY?? Oh my God. Are you insane, woman?? I know you may find this hard to believe but I am truly not stalking you. I mean, stalking is such a harsh term, don’t you think? It’s just that it’s hard not to notice you, being that every time I go to the grocery store (which is every day because I have a lot of kids – although “a lot” is relative because I actually only have half as many as you and Brad) I see your ridiculously glowing face and am forced to read some new rumor about you. The latest being that you’re pregnant again. I can’t believe that’s true, I mean, my twins are older than your twins and I wake up every day thanking my OB for having the good sense to tie my tubes.

 

Maybe I shouldn’t take everything you do so personally. I’m sure you don’t mean to try and one up me -or four up me as the case will be if you have another baby. But seriously, stop it. You’re making me look bad. How am I supposed to whine on a constant basis to anyone who will listen to me about how sucky my life is with twins and a toddler when you are going around having babies as often as Joan Rivers goes in for a nip/tuck? This twins thing is really hard – like mind numbingly hard. We talked about that remember? I can barely leave the house every day by nine a.m. with one of my children (although that child, who shall remain nameless but is four-years-old and very into Ariel, feels the need to spend an hour and a half picking out just the right tank top to wear to school when it’s forty degrees outside in the sun) yet you manage to haul the entire brood back and forth to France and then off to somewhere like Bangladesh to run a food bank or film a political epic like you’re just stepping out to grab the mail. Every time I see a picture of you, you’ve got a kid in each arm, two in Brad’s knapsack and a few more trailing behind. AND YOU WANT MORE.

 

I’m still mourning the fact that I had to buy a minivan. When my husband drove me to the Honda dealer to pick up my new Odyssey, I think I knew exactly how a dog feels when it’s being driven to the vet to have its testicles chopped off. Sure my husband put some kickass flames on the sides to take some of the sting out of driving a total momobile, but they’re magnetic flames, because it’s a lease. So not cool! Whatever antidepressant you’re taking is the hardest working drug in showbiz because I would be crying in my bathtub with a bottle of Bombay gin right now if my husband even hinted at having more kids.

 

Why are you trying to make me look bad?

 

surferchic
01.20.09

Hmmm...call me crazy, but I thought the article was a little much. I don't care how many kids Angelina has, but I am amazed that she WANTS them...That's cool, considering most celebs don't want/won't have them...Plus, I'm SURE she has TONS of help. There's no way she does it all alone.

PyroChristina
01.19.09

Wow awesome post I totally agree with you on this one. I'm gonna start following your posts now. Well done mommy. http://pyronnic.blogspot.com

nabbie
01.15.09

Hello Steph...
Yes, I have followed you over to this site. Like you with Angie, I am not stalking you, I am just a BIG fan. Anyhoo, I hear ya about the slew of kids. I have two step-sons (which we have EVERY freakin' weekend!!!) and two of my own. I couldn't imagine having to visit seven different cultures that my children are from to keep them "homebound" and remind them where they come from. I do that to my 3 1/2 yr old daily. With my two and four on the weekends; I would like to marry whomever created Xanax and alcohol. I have had my husband snipped back in May of LAST year and he still has little buggers swimming around in there. WTF???? I am SOOOO careful, for one more kid and I am off to the funny farm!!!!!!

Writermom
01.15.09

Caroline, that seriously cracked me up. I have my tubes tied otherwise my husband would be acting the same way if I had a dream like that.

Caroline SG
01.14.09

We have one (1) child. Twins occur in my family every second generation, and no one's hit the lotto yet in this generation-- and I feared getting "lucky". With a second pregnancy (now at 44 and counting), I probably would.
I had a dream about Angie last summer, before she gave birth. She was bored sitting in that hospital in Nice and waiting, and being practically neighbors since Europe is so small, I went to keep her company. She tried to convince me to have more kids. "Gee Ang, our cozy threesome is so happy, really, we're fine. Besides, with real estate prices as they are, we can't afford a house big enough. And we're old. And what if I also had twins? I'm way too tired at my age."
Nonsense, she told me. You and your husband are smart, funny, and good looking. You should have a zillion kids. Brad and I will buy you a nice house, ok?
After I told my husband about this dream, he started talking about having a V.

tvtrace
01.14.09
Suzi_Q
01.13.09

This. Is. Amazing. Thank you for writing what I've been thinking about her since before I even HAD kids.
Just think, though. When you only have 3 teenagers driving you crazy, Angelina will be overrun with them. Does that help?

tmpringl
01.12.09

If it makes you feel any better, I want to write a letter to YOU, asking you to please stop making me feel bad. Three kids, a writing career and a hubby? You are a superstar mom too! :)

Kim Yamaguchi
01.10.09

God.plays.favorites. That's how I explain away her fabulosity (yeah yeah that's Kimora's line, I don't care.)

As for the race to get as many kids as possible before she and Brad have a chance to really think things through and possibly get bored with one another? That's just plain stupidity/naivete/showoffedness. I am raising 7 kids. 2 are stepkids, 3 I adopted in my first marriage, the youngest 2 are mine by birth. They are the cutest things on the planet but I tell you I am BEGGING for a tubal. I'll bet ya that if Brangie actually stopped, took over the care of their kids and stayed in one place long enough, they'd never have another. Hell they might even stop kissing, just cos you know where that leads....

cenamarie
01.09.09

i think it's called help. lots and lots of help she must have. at least that's what i tell myself about any mom who looks the least bit "put together" to make me feel better.