Sarah's Spanx.

True Story. A friend of mine just returned from a weekend in Pittsburgh where she apparently checked into the same Marriott hotel room where Sarah Palin had just checked out. Housekeeping had not yet cleaned the room and so aside from an unmade bed, an empty can of Coke and a towel strewn bathroom, my friend made a surprising discovery – a discarded pair of black Spanx in the garbage.

 

 

“Seriously…you found Sarah’s Spanx in the trash?” I asked my friend. “Did you take them? You could’ve auctioned them on Ebay! What size was she?”

 

My friend – who does not want to be outted on Spanxgate – has been kicking herself that she didn’t snag the slimming control top and auction it online. She realizes she could have given the money to the Obama campaign or better yet, to charities that support women who can’t afford Spanx. No doubt, Sarah’s undergarments cold have fetched some serious cash from everyone from an apolitical panty fetishist to a rabid Right Winger. And the media would have gone berserk.

 

You can imagine the tawdry headlines: “Sarah Palin Trashes Taxpayer Paid Spanx in Pittsburgh Hotel Room” or the inevitable “Sarah Gets Spanked in Pittsburgh!”

 

As the “Obama-is-a-Socialist” argument gets tired and the Palin Family Shopping Spree story has run its course, pundits would now be pontificating on whether money spent on Palin’s girdle was a good idea and how much is too much to spend on sucking in a woman’s muffin top.

 

Larry King would be asking pols if Spanx makes Sarah more relatable to the every woman battling cellulite or if her overpriced thigh huggers suggest a secret diva.

 

And Elisabeth Hasselbeck, defending her new BFF, would be arguing that yes, Wal-Mart shoppers can relate to the pricey, scientifically engineered Lycra that can only be found at fancy department stores like Saks because, well, everyone knows a girl wants to look svelte. “But let’s not forget, what’s really important is that Obama has a socialist agenda!”

 

And inevitably, Gloria Steinem would probably pen an op-ed in The New York Times about the ongoing sexism in the media’s presidential campaign coverage titled: “A Woman is Still Measured by the Size of Her Girdle.”

 

So the good news is that given my friend’s discretion or sheer squeamishness about digging into the trash, (no, she never checked the size) Sarah narrowly avoided what could have been this election’s “October Surprise,” – the Sarah Spanx scandal. So fortunately for us Americans, the seriousness of the campaign can continue.

 

And when the post mortem on Election 2008 begins on November 5th and we reflect back on John Edwards’s $400 tarmac side haircut and whether Hillary’s laugh was too loud or forced and if McCain could have benefited from tooth whitening next to Obama and Biden’s fabulous sets of pearly whites, we’ll be relieved that at least this election we never got wrapped up in the utter silliness of a candidate’s underwear. Boxers or briefs? That’s just so 1992.

 

MarcomMom
12.15.09

Wow. First, HeathRa, she was not exonerated of all her ethics charges. The Times Online in the U.K., who clearly don't care about red states and blue states, summarized the Troopergate findings this way, "Governor Sarah Palin abused her power by violating the Alaska Executive Branch Ethics Act." http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/sarah-palin/3...

And Sasha1196, this little blog post was an ironic and humorous one about how the author's friend (this was not a distant rumor) found these Spanx and, if the news media heard about it, surely some idiot would have made a huge story of it. But her friend had enough taste not to even tough or look at the things. The whole point is that it WASN'T reported to any news outlets. This is just a site for moms, who do talk about things like Spanx and might like to hear that a beautiful and controversial politician who is known for her fitness still needs a little stretchy support now and again.

sasha1196
11.09.08

I dont knwo why Im so shocked at this article, maybe because it threw me right back to middle school? Are we really this pathetic, that we have to reduce ourselves to petty rumors about a woman's under garments? Are we THAT threatened by her? I really do hope not. Here's what I think about you and people like you, you all love Hillary because she was no threat to your very fragile female ego. Your husband wasnt sitting in front of the tv falling in love with a smart, beautiful, dedicated woman. Is she perfect, no, not by far, but honey, neither are you and at least she had the courage to try. You are in my opinion a bitter pathetic woman.

leslie morgan s...
11.06.08

Leslie Morgan Steiner

Spanx rock. Couldn't live without 'em. Your friend showed remarkable -- but in my mind regrettable -- restraint in not adding those babies to the family heirlooms. She could have just mailed them anonymously to People Magazine.

OhCrapIHaveACru...
11.05.08

Oh, you ARE hilarious, lol! I wondered what that was called.

BTW, I believe Sarah's a size 6.

Hey folx, she draws attention to her body with those crazy-tight shiny suits. More people ought to be more honest about wondering what's underneath them.

DebD
11.05.08

Deb,SF/HI

I LOVED this article! And how very perfect for Election Day 2008! Sounds like there may be a few embittered Repos who have commented before me (except for "awfrey") -- oh, well, maybe next election. S.P. brought trivialization upon herself, with the whole lipstick-gate affair, and on and on. She and her family drama have been definite distractions from the issues, which S.P. never quite got around to discussing. Hmmmmm, maybe when she tries again for Prez in 2012. Boy do I hope THAT doesn't happen! Anyway, back to the Spanx article: Absolutely on point re a (barely) political figure who has been quite effective in trivializing herself, by herself. I am happy to bask in the glory of the evening, and this article made my night (Nov. 4, 2008)!

awfrey
11.04.08

Really? You can't see the humor in the column? Aren't we all just a little tired of all the news around the campaign? Get a grip; really. Not all sites need to do hard pressing news all the time. I laughed. And thought of about 6 other women who would love to know that the nominee for the Vice Presidency needs a bit of support after 5 kids. It makes me feel a little better about my baby belly, and frankly it humanizes Sarah Palin a bit - it's an insight into her world; an intimate insight. If I wanted hard-hitting news on the candidates, the election or voter fraud, Mommy Track'd would not be my site of choice. So shame on you; we should have an area that can be humorous without being demeaning, and even silly on occasion - after all, we are moms, and if we take ourselves too seriously we will all go crazy...

aimeemcorso
11.04.08

Can't agree more with the comments above. I am truly disappointed.

izzyj2
11.04.08

How embarrassing...for you. I am disheartened that this blog has gotten so much attention of late...Spanx? Nothing like perpetuating the stereotype that women are "silly" and not focused on the issues. I continued to be shocked at the anti-feminist tone of your columnists. Disagree on the issues, but support a woman's right and ability to play in these circles. Conversations about Spanx only serve to reinforce negative stereotypes and undermine the perception of women and our abilities. Really pitiful.

emmyshell
11.04.08

Wow - we really do make anything news these days. Who really cares. Do you people really have kids? Are you really focusing on Mommies? Yeah, didn't think so.

HeathRa
11.04.08

Are you kidding me? This is the best you could come up with on Election Day? What about the fact that Palin was exhonerated yesterday on the ethics charges? What about the voter registration fraud in Wisconsin? Instead, you chose to focus on how much of a non-story you could write. Lame.