Feeling the Looove.

by Risa Green


By all accounts, my husband and I should have been divorced three years ago. We met in college, then spent two years in a long distance relationship, and then I dropped my entire life and moved to a new city where I didn’t know a soul in order to be with him. With that kind of a story (Too young! Not reality! Asking for resentment!), the odds of our relationship lasting past year one of parenthood, let alone past the seven year itch, were totally against us. But, so far we have defied the statistics, and we recently celebrated our tenth anniversary. As I wrote in my card to my husband, I really do love him more every single day. (Okay. Maybe not every single day. There are definitely some days when I want to strangle him, especially when he obsesses over how many calories are in three Red Vines, or when he treats me like I am a total moron who is incapable of performing even the most basic things without him.) But these days are far outweighed by days when I really do like him a whole lot, and so if you were to measure my love for him every single day and then take a daily average, I am pretty confident that it would turn out to be a net positive.)


But still, loving my husband and, you know, loooving my husband are two totally different things. Love is what you get when you realize that, despite his flaws, there is probably no other man on the planet who you could tolerate on a daily basis. But looove is what you get in the beginning of a relationship, when you’re stomach does all kinds of flippy things and you just want to be with him all. the. time.


After more than fifteen years together, I feel lucky that I love my husband as much as I do. But do I looove him? Yeah, not so much. Of course, it happens, on occasion. A drunken night in Vegas, a surprise gift from the Barney’s shoe department. But those are few and far between (and, given the economic situation, even fewer, and even farther between). But is it possible to looove the man you are married to on a more regular basis? It turns out that you can. Well, sort of. Short of having an affair, you’re probably never going to feel that crazy, new relationship adrenaline rush ever again. But you can have spurts of something close to it. I’ve been doing a little bit of reading on the subject lately, and what I’ve discovered is that the looove feeling is created by doing things together. New things. Different things. Fun things. Things that you don’t do every single weekend, like going to the same little hamburger joint every Friday night and then walking across the street to the same theater to see a movie, and then afterwards going to the same ice-cream shop for a fro-yo. What? I’m just saying.



I feel the same way....

leslie morgan s...

Leslie Morgan Steiner

I have to add that it is also completely glorious to trust someone so much that you can take him utterly for granted, in a way that I've only been able to take my parents and siblings utterly for granted. It is one of the most priceless, under-rated feelings in the world.


Thanks you, Risa, for showing on a weekly basis that it is not just me.


My guess is nearly every married woman in America can relate. It's tough to keep that "looove" feeling burning, but I think your friend is right about mixing it up. My husband and I went to a different place to eat a few weeks ago, elected to eat at the bar and order a few rounds ... something you can't do with the kids. Before you know it, we felt young and in "looove."