Food Frustrations: Nutritionist-Bound.
by Risa Green
I am getting nowhere with the food thing.
I’ve written several times about my daughter, and her aversion to anything that does not involve pasta, bread or rice. A few months ago, I wrote that I thought she was making progress because she voluntarily took a bite of steak and didn’t then vomit at the dinner table. But no. Since the bite of steak, there have been no further bites of steak. We’re right back where we started, with pasta, bread and rice.
I’ve been operating for the last year or so out of a playbook instructing parents not to force new foods on their picky children (no ‘eat the lambchops or go to bed hungry’). Not to make dessert a reward (no ‘eat three bites of your greenbeans and you can have a cupcake’). Not to determine your child’s portions for them (no ‘large chicken breast with a small side of rice’ served to them on a plate). Instead, I have been serving dinner as if we live at the Hometown Buffet. A bowl of pasta. A bowl of red sauce. A platter of chicken. A dish of broccoli. A plate of cookies. A bowl of fruit. Everyone sits down with an empty plate, and takes what they want, and as much as they want. (Except for the cookies. With those, you only get one. But you don’t have to save it for last). The idea is that it’s my job to present my child with healthy foods, but it’s my child’s job to decide which, and how much of each, she wants to eat. The theory is that in doing so, I will avoid making food “an issue” for my child, and said issue will not come back to haunt her (or me) in the form of bulimia, anorexia, comfort-eating, or stashing candy bars under her bed when she is a teenager. The other theory is that, after being exposed to chicken and broccoli and red sauce and fruit night after night, she will, eventually, get used to these foods and begin eating them herself. Which is all well and good, except that it isn’t working.
After a year of serving chicken fajitas in a million different parts (a plate of peppers. A plate of tortillas. A bowl of rice. A platter of chicken. A bowl of corn. A bowl of shredded cheese.) – not to mention the nearly fifteen million dishes that I’ve washed – my daughter is still choosing to make herself a rice burrito for dinner. That’s right. She takes a tortilla, fills it with rice, wraps it up, and calls it dinner. Oh, and then she has a cookie. And I am supposed to just sit there, and not comment.
Needless to say, my bad-mommy radar is tingling to the point that I am now picking up radio frequencies from far-off lands in my molars. And, my husband and I fight about it constantly. He thinks that this is crazy. (Also indulgent, ridiculous, and stupid). He once saw a show on Dateline where they gave picky eaters nothing to eat but what was for dinner, and guess what? After three nights, the kids were so hungry that they ate everything on their plates. To which I respond yes, but they don’t show you those kids when they go to college, when they’re so angry that they try to get back at their parents by only drinking Red Bull and eating Milky Ways for four years straight.
06.25.10
but it wasn't a big issue. He ate everything else. I've been at this for 3 years. And last week I did find my daughter hiding food in her bedroom...I bought a bunch of Keebler snacks. Little individual baggies of bug shaped graham crackers http://www.etruereligionjeans-sale.com/
10.04.09
OK, picture a kid just as picky, but with celiac disease, (can't eat wheat, rye or barley). Try going out to eat with a kid who only eats bread, and pasta when 99.9% of restaurants in America don't server those things without wheat! And that's my son. He could hike 7 mile over rough terrain before his sixth birthday, but he has not eaten meat or a vegetable since I spooned them into him when he was a baby.
For those of you think that these super picky eaters will just eat if you starve them long enough: Yeah, they might. But most of us just don't have the heart to starve our kids into submission. Especially these "super tasters" who really are nauseated by everything beyond their comfort zone. I don't think I can program my son to eat meat and vegetables any more than I can make his sister into a serious hiker.
It's just how they roll...
10.04.09
Risa...This is the first time I have ever read anything here...and I have to say, WE HAVE THE SAME CHILD! If it's not a bland carb or breakfast food, my 5 yr old doesn't eat it. I have used EVERY SINGLE kid help book there is. I have talked to the pediatrician, I have tried everything recommended by the internet, friends, strangers, and PBS. She ate everthing JUST FINE until she was 2.5. Then she quit. Cold turkey. Overnight she ate literally nothing. And if one more person tells me that she'll eat when she's hungry, I will personally kick them in the teeth! She won't eat when she's hungry. She went FOUR DAYS without food. I finally got nervous that DCF was coming for me, and I gave her a glass of milk and a piece of dry whole wheat toast. But those were foods she never had a problem with...soo...what do ya do? I am tired of hearing how hungry she is...I am tired of throwing out the foods in the lunch box...but I'm afraid if I don't send them, the teacher will want to have a conference with me and want to know why I don't feed my child. Why would I feed someone who doesn't eat? For everyone offering suggestions to Risa...that's sweet, but seriously, if she's been at it this long...she's probably already thought of or read about it. And she's possibly even tried it. I was never a picky eater...my brother didn't like peas or potatoes...but it wasn't a big issue. He ate everything else. I've been at this for 3 years. And last week I did find my daughter hiding food in her bedroom...I bought a bunch of Keebler snacks. Little individual baggies of bug shaped graham crackers (another bland carb she likes). They were all gone...I checked to see if they had fallen onto the floor...and then wondered if I could have run out without realizing it. Hmm...Forgot about it for a few hours, then I found the wrappers in my daughter's room. She'd eaten them ALL AT ONCE. And she had about 5 chewy granola bars under her bed as well. At least she hadn't eaten those yet. Why were they there? Because she was hungry...and I don't feed her. ??!!! I feed her 3 times a day...she just refuses to eat. At this point...the pediatrician suggested a nutritionist...but seriously, I know WHAT to feed my kid. The problem is HOW TO GET IT IN HER. So...I am finding a counselor. Before she was 2.5, she ate everything I put in front of her...green, red, orange...it didn't matter what color her veggies were, she ate them. Chicken (which wasn't breaded!), fish (not in stick form), pork, ham...all types of meats went into her gullet. Fruits of ALL KINDS...not just apple slices. (The one and only fruit she is willing to eat.) Good luck...If your kid ends up in group therapy over this in years to come...he can say hi to my kid...and they can trade recipes for rice burritos (my child has done this also).
10.02.09
I have a picky eater, too. His issues were sensory-related but now, at 6, they're a combination of sensory and stubbornness. My husband and I tried everything (including going to a developmental pediatrician) and the starve him under medical supervision plan was discussed. However, through persistence and haranguing, we have managed to expand my son's non-snack food world to milk, chicken tenders, natural applesauce, dried apples, raw carrots, waffles, dry cereal, french fries, veggie bacon, and yogurt. He eats some of these things every day. The only thing I insist on is that he have at least 2 servings of the apples or carrots. With the multivitamin we give him (mainly I'm thinking about his iron here), I think his diet is pretty healthy (albeit BORING). As to going out to eat...if it's somewhere other than fast food (which happens to serve chicken nuggets, fries & milk), I just pack him a dinner and we go where we want.
10.02.09
I was raised on a farm in the south. My grandmother cooked three meals a day (with the help of my aunts) for 15-30 people. We ate what she cooked, and if we didn't like lunch... oh well. The next meal was dinner. Only a couple of my cousins are "unhealthy eaters" Your kid won't starve if she misses a meal or so. Your husband has as much right as you to decide how to parent your SHARED children. No wonder he feels resentful. It's harder to damage a kid than you think, so for heaven's sake, let the man try his way.
10.02.09
Risa, email me. Seriously. There is a whole category on my blog called "The Boy Who Would Not Eat." I would love to talk to you about this.
In our case, we tried a nutritionist who asked us to try that trick your husband saw on TV of just giving the kid what everyone else was eating and not offering him anything else. We followed her advice, and though I am sure it works in some cases, it did not work AT ALL for us. My son just didn't eat. Anything. For a week.
Yeah.
(He WAS drinking milk on occasion and was under the supervision of medical professionals, but holy mother of GUILT, that was the worst week of my life!)
Anyway, it turned out what we needed was NOT a nutritionist, but an occupational therapist. I hope the nutritionist works out in your case, but if it doesn't, do consider giving OT a try!
09.29.09
I kind of understand her desire to eat past with cheese and butter, could anything sound better. Clearly not an option for an adult so I have to wonder why it is okay for kids. Very interested to hear what the nutritionist says.
http://www.myhormonesmademe.com
09.29.09
I am the proud mother of 2 girls who only voluntarily eat foods that are beige. Chicken nuggets, bread, pasta, cereal etc. I find often the issue is not flavor but texture and honestly, I can relate. So we have the one bite rule, which has expanded their menu of acceptable items, and when they get really picky I hand out chewable multi-vitamins.
Good luck! If we are doing the wrong thing, well, we can hold a garage sale together to pay for therapy!
09.29.09
Is there a sauce or dressing she likes? We let our kids dunk everything in their favorite dressing and we find that eventually they don't want all of that dressing and that they are used to the taste or texture of the food and just eat it plain. For my daughter it was A-1 (even on lasagna!) and for my son it was Ranch dressing.
09.29.09
I've noticed as an adult that I very much have the same eating habits (and cooking habits!) that I grew up with in my parent's household. Some were good, some were bad. I've had to learn how to eat more vegs as an adult. So, in saying this, we've really pushed the vegetables, protein, etc. with our kids. Sure, when we introduce new foods, sometimes she is hesitant. (And sometimes she asks to taste new foods!) We make her eat it anyways. Even if it's just a few bites. But, after much hard work, she's a great eater! She orders vegetable pizza ON HER OWN. (No pepperoni fatty pizza.) She eats tofu stir frys, etc. I must say, my husband pioneered the vegetable eating in the house. Sometimes, I'm tired and just want to put down mac & cheese. But, now, I steam some broccoli and serve it up together. Our rule: vegetables or fruit with every meal!
Start out slow. If you meet with real opposition, and they say, "No, thank you." Ask them to take one bite. Tell them they can wash it down with their favorite drink.(I'm not saying every day has been easy. Sometimes she gnaws on food for 10 minutes and then says it's gross and asks if she can spit it out.) It's just something you have to stick with.
I don't think you'll end up with a kid that has food issues later. What sticks with them are the habits they form now. Sure, maybe their first year out of the house they'll down koolaid and candy bars, but then they'll go back to what they grew up on: good eating habits.