Just A Little Jealous.

by Risa Green

 

When it comes to men, I am not, by nature, a jealous person. Ten years ago, when all of our friends were getting married and my husband was running off to Vegas every other weekend for a bachelor party, I didn’t freak out at the thought of him going to a strip club, or balk at the idea of a “private show” for twenty guys in a hotel room. And back when we were still dating and living in different cities, I didn’t care if he had dinner with an ex-girlfriend, or if he went to a movie with an attractive female friend of his from high school. Part of this, I think, is that I trust my husband; but the bigger part of it is that I have always been confident that he won’t find anyone better than me. I don’t mean to sound obnoxious or anything, but I think I’m a pretty good catch. I’m smart and nice and I can be funny sometimes, and I have common sense and good values, and oh yeah – I’m pretty. Not that I’m like, a supermodel or anything, but you know, relatively speaking, I’ve always looked okay.

 

But that was ten years ago. Now, suddenly, at thirty-seven – as the skin under my eyes is getting crepe-y, as my metabolism has begun to slow, as the years of stressing and laughing have permanently etched themselves into my furrowed brow and my nasal-labial folds – now, suddenly, that confidence is beginning to wane. Plus, it doesn’t help that everywhere I turn, men who have cheated on their wives is the main topic of conversation, much like which preschool you were applying to was the discussion du jour five years ago, and which wedding planner you were using was the one five years before that. It’s as if I’ve entered a stage of life that nobody really talks about, but yet seems to happen as normally as getting married, or hitting menopause. This one’s husband did it with a colleague, this one did it with his secretary, this one with an ex-girlfriend, this one with his wife’s best friend of thirty years. And jeez – look at Jon Gosselin! He did it with the daughter of the plastic surgeon who did his wife’s tummy tuck!

 

A friend of mine is a divorce lawyer, and when I mentioned to her recently that I’m starting to notice a trend, she laughed and said that we’re getting to that age, when people start turning forty and/or their kids are going into second or third grade, because that’s typically when it happens. I swear, you could have wiped my jaw up off of the floor. I mean, really??? Is it that predictable? Sadly, it seems that it is.

RedGal
09.01.09

I personally feel like I am aging better than my husband, lol. I am so convinced of this that I recently posted it on truuconfessions.com (it sounds kind of arrogant, so I like the anonimity). Anyway, that said, I don't think that it has any relevance to whether my husband would have an affair or not. I think that is determined by the state of the marriage and not the appearance of the wife.

narumichan
08.26.09

Topper, I agree; 20-something (or even younger) will and do go after your man if he is decent looking and has any money/status/power. Happens all of the time, especially since women in general often want someone mature who can take care of them. I am 28, and don't know of many women who would turn a guy down because he is 40...

I also agree with the carrot-dangling; I just read "Bachelor Party Confidential," and you know who cheats at parties most of the time? The married dudes whose wives "trust" them, and want to be the cool wife who is ok with their husband getting sexual gratification from another woman. I was the least jealous person in relationships until I met the man who was worth fighting for, who was worth not loosing. I was the cool wife once, but I realized later that I was that way because I just didn't care. Now I'm married to someone who I do care that much for, and who equally cares that much about me.

MyHormonesMadeMeDoIt
08.26.09

Well now I am just feeling blue knowing I will one day be green. I am an almost 30 married just over a year oh so confident wife. It never crossed my mind this can change. Well, thank you, because I guess better prepared than surprised. p.s. I am sure your hubs knows how lucky he is. http://www.myhormonesmademe.com

topper4633
08.26.09

Risa, First of all, you let (yes, you "let" him) your husband go to way too many bachelor parties and you are asking for trouble with those things - If it wasn't a bachelor party would you let the "Employee" he just hired squirm around on his lap naked? Or, feed him a cherry from her *&!@? Would you allow him to watch his new female "employee" dance around naked on his desk and shake her ti*s and (**& in his face? Dang. Seriously I hope you were exaggerating quite a bit. If not, I would feel insecure, too. Actually, I would first feel a little sick and then incredibly insecure.

No matter what he tells you, he is a MAN. I don't see a huge difference between allowing this behavior and allowing him to oggle his female employees who are hot and in their 20's.

Second, in response to Marlene, who cares that he is getting older?? Really. ALOT of younger women are very attracted to older men. No joke. And a ton (of immoral) women are very attracted to men who are "taken". ESPECIALLY their "boss"!!

Risa, if you show this to your husband, he will first deny that any of this is true, tell you those things I said about the strippers never happened (and/or he has never even heard of such things) and deny that he is even remotely attracted to the 20-something year old he just hired. Oh, he will probably add that I am insecure person looking to make other women insecure, and that you should pay no attention to this...

I am in the same profession as your friend now, but wasn't always. ALL men, no matter how meek or shy, good-hearted and kind, are still men. You have reason for concern, but showing your insecurity constantly isn't going to help your situation. Trust is one thing. Constantly dangling a carrot in front of the rabbit, however, is entirely differnt and honestly, just asking for trouble.

Oh, what your friend said is entirely true, although those who got married young (or had children young) may wait until the kids are a little older before the affairs/divorce start - also, I have seen men who have a great deal to lose financially, throw it all to the wayside for a good ride, even though they have reasonably attractive wives and beautful families.

Good luck to you and all of the other women out there in similar situations. I have been on both sides and neither one is pretty.

Marlene Robinson
08.25.09

But Risa, think about it...he's getting older too. Do you REALLY think he could catch a 25 yr. old? Relax...both of you are so far beyond appealing to the twenty-somethings of the world. Granted, it is nice to catch someone glancing your way, but don't make yourself crazy just because he (and you) still find young, wrinke-free, cellulite-free, bodies attractive. Didn't somone say that beauty is wasted on the youth? A woman in her mid-30's and beyond has SO much more to offer than a body that looks great in her little black dress!