by Risa Green
My children are finally back in school this week, hallelujah, and a friend of mine sent me an email that had me ROFL (that’s Rolling On the Floor Laughing to those of you who are not fluent in text-ese; can you tell I write teen novels?). I wish I could say that I wrote it, because it’s genius, but I wish even more that I knew who did write it, so that I could credit her. If you happen to know the author of this piece, please leave it in a comment so that I can bow down before her and give her the respect she is due. Otherwise, just make sure you’re in a carpeted area when you read this.
Ten Mom Misconceptions About Sending our Kids Back to School.
Misconception #1: Moms miss their kids when they go back to school
Seriously. I’ve had enough of you by now. Every morning with the “what are we going to do today, Mom?” is finally over. I’ve looked at your face twenty-four/seven for the last 77 days. It’s time to go learn something. No more asking me about the pool, when is the next snack or if you can stay up late and watch a movie. It’s over….You’re going back to Hogwarts and I get to have a life again. There is a Christmas morning for parents and it’s called “back to school”.
Misconception #2: Moms like to go school shopping.
Are you freaking kidding me? Why do I pay taxes? So I can rack up a $200 bill at Staples for crap that we have laying around my house in junk drawers. Why does it have to be new pencils? What’s wrong with the chewed up, broken Strawberry Shortcake pencils sitting in the bottom of the toy box for the last 6 months? And how many subject books can you possibly need? What happened to reading, writing and arithmetic? If they added a couple of things for parents to that list I wouldn’t mind so much….why not pencils, erasers and vodka …..or some Nyquil.