Mom Misconceptions.

by Risa Green

 

My children are finally back in school this week, hallelujah, and a friend of mine sent me an email that had me ROFL (that’s Rolling On the Floor Laughing to those of you who are not fluent in text-ese; can you tell I write teen novels?). I wish I could say that I wrote it, because it’s genius, but I wish even more that I knew who did write it, so that I could credit her. If you happen to know the author of this piece, please leave it in a comment so that I can bow down before her and give her the respect she is due. Otherwise, just make sure you’re in a carpeted area when you read this.

 

Ten Mom Misconceptions About Sending our Kids Back to School.

 

Misconception #1: Moms miss their kids when they go back to school

 

Seriously. I’ve had enough of you by now. Every morning with the “what are we going to do today, Mom?” is finally over. I’ve looked at your face twenty-four/seven for the last 77 days. It’s time to go learn something. No more asking me about the pool, when is the next snack or if you can stay up late and watch a movie. It’s over….You’re going back to Hogwarts and I get to have a life again. There is a Christmas morning for parents and it’s called “back to school”.

 

Misconception #2: Moms like to go school shopping.

 

Are you freaking kidding me? Why do I pay taxes? So I can rack up a $200 bill at Staples for crap that we have laying around my house in junk drawers. Why does it have to be new pencils? What’s wrong with the chewed up, broken Strawberry Shortcake pencils sitting in the bottom of the toy box for the last 6 months? And how many subject books can you possibly need? What happened to reading, writing and arithmetic? If they added a couple of things for parents to that list I wouldn’t mind so much….why not pencils, erasers and vodka …..or some Nyquil.

kathy415
09.29.10

Wow. while one or two bits would have been funny, this is sad. There are so many women with fertility issues, sick children who would love to be "burdened" by back to school.

sea-mom
09.22.10

Hilarious!!ROFL!! Thanks for some reality! I'm tired of snooty moms who want you to think otherwise.

mfelter
09.21.10

Boy do I hate making lunches every night. If you set the bar high (variety, colorful, fun gizmos to contain the food) is it even worse cuz then it is expected every single day. Middle school is nice - they prefer to buy pizza every single day like their friends do. When they get to high school, though, they discover that the pizza is really rank and there are better things to do than wait in line for it. Lunches again! But without (heaven forbid) Disney themed-gizmos. I get to carry my own lunch in the outgrown themed gizmos - a hoot in the office refrigerator.

MamaJam
09.15.10

This article seems so sad to me. My son is only 16 months (okay, take a moment to laugh, "Just wait, girl"...), but I truly hope that I cherish him as an amazing human being in 16 years just as I do now. This whole "it's awesome to bitch about your kids and talk about how much you need liquor to deal with them" mentality is pretty lame. I get that its a big ordeal, but just believe that the teachers are trying, the kids are trying, you might as well get your chin up and enjoy the moments while you have them...and have a drink to toast the new year not to drown your "misery".

jigsduts
09.15.10

I just had wipe off my face and reapply my mascara...made my MORNING!!!!

mom2cne
09.14.10

It was Dena Blizzard for Hybridmom.com http://www.hybridmom.com/articles/features/10-misconceptions-moms-back-s...

Just as funny (and true) the second time around :)

Michi
09.14.10

Ah - school shopping - at least this year we actually had the list before school started.
Parent help homework - this really needs to have a lead time. The "home link" sheets come with notations like "finish in the next few days" which teachers cross out and say "tomorrow". Ummm...that really means it is often child & babysitter because it invariably comes the two days a week I work late. No matter that those two days have been switched around over the years, it is always those two days.

I have a "big kid" she could fill out that emergency form for you. She can tell you her preferred nickname is none and where she lives and what our phone numbers are. It would save you time from trying to track me down.

I would add Misconception #3 for those who buy lunch: we have no issues sending exact change daily.

If you want exact change daily, face that some days it will be dimes, nickels and pennies that I scraped out of the couch. Heck, I have to put it in a new plastic baggie anyway (sorry environment, it is appparently difficult for this year's teacher to send baggies (though the last 3 had no issues...) so it can take any form. Want it better, go back to what we had as a chld where parents could buy a punch card for X number of lunches upfront.