Penis Germs.

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I had thought that my penis problem was over, but, like a bad sequel to an average movie, it’s baaaack. For a while, my son’s penis obsession had been replaced with a nipple fixation. At any given time of the day, he could be seen with his hand stuck up his shirt, rubbing his nipples in order to make them “pokey.” A few times, I even caught him standing, bare-chested, in front of the open freezer, because he had cleverly figured out that the cold air lends itself to increased pokiness. We talked about the pokiness a lot. What do you like about it? I asked him. But he’d just shrug and say that he didn’t know, he just liked it. I explained that it wasn’t really appropriate to rub one’s nipples in the presence of others. I explained that nipples were private parts, and that it’s fine to rub your nipples in private, but not so fine to do it, say, during soccer practice, or in the refrigerated aisle of the market. Which prompted my know-it-all six-year-old to declare that boy’s nipples are NOT really private parts, mommy, because boys don’t wear shirts when they go swimming, and if it’s not really a private part then why can’t he rub it in public? Because I don’t like it, I told her, and I make the rules. Which then had the effect of causing my son to rub his nipples in public even more, just to spite me.

 

Anyway, the nipple thing eventually passed, and for a while, I thought I was home free in the public touching of private parts department. But then a couple of weeks ago, I noticed that my son’s right hand was missing. Or, to put it more succinctly, I noticed that my son’s right hand was permanently planted down the front of his pants. Now, let me say two things about my son here, in order to give you a more full appreciation of the extent of my penis problem.

 

1. My son is one of those “highly sensitive” children who only likes to wear things that are soft against his skin. So, no tags, no scratchy fabrics, no seams in his socks, and, above all else, no buttons. Which means that he pretty much wears sweatpants every single day.

 

2. My son is also one of those rebellious types of children who, if he even catches a whiff of my disapproval with regard to a particular behavior, will not only continue with that behavior, but will continue that behavior with a vengeance. See above for an example.

 

Okay. So, to be clear, I have a four year-old boy who is stubborn as a mule, and who has taken to touching his penis pretty much round-the-clock. In sweatpants. I’m just sayin’.

 

Anyway, after a few days of this, I decided that it was probably time to have a talk with him about it, and so, with the six year-old out of earshot, I waited for him to stick his hand down his pants (not a long wait, mind you), and then I pounced.

 

Hey, buddy, I said, all nonchalant-like and without a hint of disapproval. What’s goin’ on with your hand, there, huh?

 

He looked surprised, as if he hadn’t expected me to notice that he and Mr. Happy had become so well acquainted, and then he grinned a grin the likes of which you might see when a poor, homeless child receives a giant bag of presents on Christmas morning.

 

hmbowler
03.11.09

My son is 5 I have been dealing with it for 2 years now unsuccessfully. But, I have gotten it into his head that people watch and may not like what he's doing. He wants people to like him so it has worked famously. On a side note he has some behavioral issues and the therapist has warned me against and very strongly .. never make a boy feel that his penis in any way is bad or make him feel bad as he discovers his body parts. Point out the social aspects to a child and such but the bad feelings that could arise over penis germs is not something I would ever agree with or ever plant into any child's head. Remember this they remember everything subconciously as they get older and it could lead to problems later.

skane414
03.11.09

First of all LOL! OMG, that was so funny that I actually have tears right now. I love it! I have a 3 year old and can see this happening very soon. SO funny how men and boys are all the same. Thanks for making me laugh out loud!

rookiemomwhitney
03.11.09

My son is 4, too, and also spends a fair amount of time playing with his penis and "making it big". Loved this story. He has also said he wants to put it in his mouth. (Thanks, Internet, for reminding me I'm not alone!)

Just this morning he wanted to check out my nipples but I told them they are private now because they are only for babies. This was a new, complex rule. (Nipples of grown-up women are private, but everyone else's nipples are ok to see.) He said "I want some milk then," he said, pulling at my bra. I told him that he and his sister drank it all up. Ha!

shopper319
03.10.09

my son is 6 and has his hands down his pants all day in kindergarten. Ive aleady been called by the teacher to not send him in sweats anymore. Problem is he's sensitive like the boy in this story. I've tried tight pants and belts to no avail. I think you have a great idea and I'm going to try it. Wish me luck!

partyoffive
03.10.09

my son turned one today and i am cracking UP at what i have to look forward to. for now he tugs at his junk in the tub. sometimes he yanks so hard i wonder how it doesn't hurt!

mmc2068
03.07.09

There is really nothing quite as ugly as reverse sexism. It comes across as either castrating femininity or latent lesbianism.

Leave the boys alone. They'll learn all too quickly what is societally acceptable and what isn't.

selfmademom
03.07.09

We are entering the "boner" phase, but when we get to the playing phase I'm totally using the germ excuse. nice.

gpowellnashville
03.07.09

I can relate, as the mom of a 3 1/2 yr old son who is in love with his penis.

Coby
03.07.09

I love the way you are willing to put it all out there. All boys are obsessed .... my son admits to wishing he could suck on his.. But this is the first I've heard of the nipple fixation. Interesting.