It’s spring break in our house this week, and in honor of the fact that I’m feeling lazy and out of my regular routine, I’ve decided to take a cue from television sitcom writers, and do a blog version of a flashback episode. You know what I’m talking about; those shows where all of the characters sit around and reminisce about the good old days, a/k/a a bunch of two-minute clips pulled from past seasons. My version, however, isn’t nearly as lame. I’m actually writing a full post, it’s just that it is about prior posts that I’ve written, and how some of the issues/problems I wrote about were or were not resolved. Now that I think about it, this is actually not akin to a sitcom flashback at all, but rather, more like a reality tv “reunion” show, where the characters all get together and talk about what they’ve been doing since they got voted off. Well, okay, maybe it’s not quite like that, either. Actually, I may be creating an entire new genre here. Cool.
Anyway, in case you were wondering, here’s the update, presented to you in a neat, commercial-free, bullet-point format.
• Believe it or not, Seashell the goldfish (Seashell III, for those of you who were counting) is still alive. Let me tell you, that is one resilient goldfish. I had no idea that fish could go entire weeks without eating. (See Life, Death and Seashell the Goldfish , July 2006)
• Bitch from my daughter’s preschool class last year is still not speaking to me or acknowledging my presence. But thanks to the excellent advice I received from many of you, it doesn’t upset me anymore. I think it’s funny, actually. I especially like to go up to her with a huge smile on my face, and say “Hi, Bitch” in a really loud, really cheery tone of voice, and then watch how uncomfortable she becomes as she tries to ignore me. It’s awesome. (See The Bitch and Big Daddy , Feb. 2008)
• I totally caved on the gun thing. My son is now the proud owner of a Power Rangers Operation Overdrive Drive Blaster, which can become both a gun and a knife with just the touch of a button. (See Guns but No Roses , Dec. 2007)
• We’re one month into the new food rules in our house, and although my daughter and I don’t fight about food anymore, her dinners often consist of breadsticks, or rice, or plain pasta, or fruit. I don’t say anything to her, but I am more stressed out than ever, and wondering if I am doing the right thing. (See Food Fight , March 2008).
• Notes From the Underbelly, Season 3…it’s not looking good, people. The timing of the strike was unfortunate, the ratings were more unfortunate. There are still eight or nine episodes that haven’t aired, but I don’t know if they will. If you were a fan, I guess you could start a letter writing campaign. (See Notes From the Underbelly is Back , October 2007)
• My son still plays with his penis, and that post got more comments than any I’ve ever written. A bunch of perverts out there even found it and passed it around the internet, and so many people tried to read about my little guy’s little guy that the Mommy Track’d server crashed. I have two things to say: 1) Yes, I am aware that one day he may discover this post. 2) No, I am not concerned that he will hate me for it. (See The Penis Problem , March 2008)
Well, there you have it. The status quo of my most pressing problems to date. Faster than a half-hour television show, schmaltz-free, and without the boring reruns that nobody wants to see again. You’re welcome.
The Penis Problem