by Risa Green
Hey, Ris! How are you? How was college? What did you finally decide to do with your life? I hope you’re not a lawyer.1 Well, when you wrote this, it was Wednesday, June 6, 1990, about 5 days before graduation. You just found out you got a triple in the Quad (how were Ong & Niv, anyway?)2 and you were in your 19th month with Ken.3 This is really weird. I’m trying to think of things I’d like to know 10 years from now.4 Am I doing okay? You’re probably calling me a nerd, or whatever the word is in 2000. (Is it really 2000?)5 Are you still with Ken?6 (I don’t think I can wait ten years to find all of this out!)7 Your teachers were: Mackintosh, Caum, Guyresh, Lempert and Wemple. Remember them?8 Last night you won $100 from PTO (ha!)9 and Outstanding Girl10 (Good job, Ris). Please tell me you don’t have kids yet.11 Please tell me you’re making a lot of money.12 Please tell me you’re at the reunion and you’re reading this. So how does everybody look?13
1 This is really funny, because I did go to law school and become a lawyer, but I didn’t realize that I
knew, even at seventeen, that it would suck the life out of me and make me want to cry every single day.
2 Ong and Niv were the last names of my roommates freshman year at Penn. Ong sucked. Niv was pretty
3 Ken was my high school boyfriend, a possessive, jealous lunatic who I later learned was doing coke
during our entire relationship. But he was really cute, and he was captain of the lacrosse team at an all-boys private school. And he was really cute.
4 When I wrote this, I thought I’d be opening it at my ten year reunion, not my twenty year. However,
when I planned the ten year reunion, I had no idea where the time capsules were. Turns out one of my
classmates (who now lives in Korea) had them in his parent’s basement. Don’t ask how I discovered this.
5 No. It’s really 2010. How’s that for weird?
6 Uh, no. Ken and I broke up about two months after I wrote this.
7 Guess what? You waited twenty!
8 Yes. Fondly.
9 This was a scholarship from the Parent Teacher’s Organization. I have no idea what the “ha!” refers to, unless it’s that the scholarship was only for $100, which is kind of funny.
10 This must have been a senior class award, although I have no memory of it whatsoever.
11 I do. Two of them. But I thought I’d be opening this ten years ago, and at that time I didn’t. So I
suppose I did not, in fact, actually let myself down in this regard.
12 Ah, a child of the ‘80s.
13 Actually, everybody looks fantastic. And it was really fun catching up with them.
Say hi to Billy, Julie, Kristen, Jamie, Jen, Dave, Mike, etc. for me, okay?14 Remember Inn of the Dove?15 Remember all of those parties you had?16 Please don’t tell mom about the Foo Dog.17 How are Mom and Dad?18 What’s Jason doing these days?19 Is your date/husband cute?20 He’d better be. Don’t let him read this, either.21 Do you have real nails or do you wear fake ones?22 How much do you weigh?23 Go on a diet – right now I’m in a bikini. (Jealous?)24 Well, I’ve gotta’ take a shower to get ready for class night. (I feel like I should be in Back to the Future). Did New Kids on the Block die a horrible death? I hope so.25 See ya in ten years!26
14 Only Billy and Kristen came to the reunion. So to the rest of you, if you’re reading this, seventeen year-old me says hi.
15 Skanky hotel where my boyfriend and I went after prom and had sex. I remember. But kinda’ wish I
16 Note to adult self: do not leave your teenaged daughter and her younger brother alone every other
weekend while you and your husband go down the shore. Because even though she is a good enough kid to
win Outstanding Girl and a hundred bucks from the PTO, she is still going to have parties. Lots of them.
17 And at those parties, things will get broken, like an expensive statue of a Chinese Foo dog, and your Outstanding daughter and her coked up boyfriend will glue it together with epoxy and pray that you don’t notice. Only one day you will move out of your house and you will notice, but you will not be able to retroactively ground her because she will be twenty-three and living in a different state. But you will still be able to get mad. Really, really mad.
18 Divorced. Mom remarried and moved to Florida. Dad became an alcoholic and died. Sorry, kid.
19 Jason is my brother. He does marketing for an internet start-up. And he’s having a baby in about six weeks, so you’re going to be an aunt!
20 Come on, now. Of course he’s cute.
21 Already did. Twice.
22 Real. Not sure why I cared about this, but do have a vague recollection of Lee press-ons falling off at prom.
23 None of your f-ing business, bitch.
25 They did. But not horrible enough, because they’re making a comeback.
26 Actually, it’s twenty.
27 Right back at ya’, babe.