by Kerry Rivera
This year I elected to take off two weeks from work in order to completely enjoy the holidays with my family. Christmas was wonderful, my two young boys had a blast opening gifts, and I absolutely love the downtime.
Still, downtime and I only go so far, so I’ve also been tackling little household chores. One such task – the organizing of the closets. Nana (my mom) is always very generous around the holidays, loading my boys up on socks, sweats, shirts, pants and pajamas. To make room for the new fashions, however, means I must go through their existing wardrobes to see what fits and what goes. Through the years, I’ve meticulously folded and stashed away outfits in giant plastic bins so that my younger son can enjoy the hand-me downs. But truth be told, as my younger son goes through those same clothes, I’ve repacked them in the event that we have one more child.
I’ve always envisioned my husband and I having three kids, even though we both work. We’re very blessed to have supportive families who live close by and help with our boys, and our respective careers have provided flexibility as well.
Still, as I started pulling out the bins this past week, I saw the crib stored at the back of my younger son’s closet. Since he just turned three, it has been stored away for quite some time, and now I’m wondering if we’ll ever be putting it to use again.
You see, we’ve been trying to have another child for a year now with no luck. Patience and I do not go hand-in-hand, so I’ve already started to run a few tests. Initial results show one of my hormone levels is very low, and we’re only now starting to bring my husband into the mix for exams.
Given we already have two beautiful, healthy boys; we’ve already told ourselves that we’re not going to go through extreme measures to have another child. But, I often feel my heart aching for one more little one. As we explore our options and start to wonder if secondary infertility could be the ultimate diagnosis, my mind starts to wander. Is this a sign that we’re done? Is God is telling us to stick with two? I’m sure he looks down and notices we have our hands full.
The jury is still out for now, but my guess is that the next time I start cleaning the closet; we’ll know whether or not we’ll be using that beautiful crib again. Perhaps our family will get one more round, or maybe it is time to pass it along to another growing family.