Having twins is lots of fun (okay, not really, but I wanted to start on a positive note) –except when you have to take them both to the pediatrician. And even more especially when you’re trying to avoid Swine Flu like the plague (so to speak). About the last place you want to be is ground zero –and by that I don’t mean Mexico, I mean the inside of any health care facility. Today was a “well baby ” check up. I put “well baby ” in quotes because rarely, if ever, are both babies well at the same time and today was no exception. Both of them have a mild cold but I couldn’t let that stop me from taking them in or they’d never go. When you have three kids, one of whom is in preschool, there is pretty much zero chance of all family members being healthy at the same time ever. I see my pediatrician more than I see my husband. Luckily he’s a really great guy who knows how to work slacks and a tie like nobody’s business. But I digress (I blame the sleep deprivation). Today’s appointment was for 11:30 which for 17-month olds is not exactly the golden hour. They nap at approximately 12:30 give or take four hours so I knew they’d be cranky by the end.
11:10 – I load the babies into the car and manage to remember to grab an extra diaper for each and some Pediasure for only one. A sad straw cup of apple juice/water is left behind on the kitchen counter. It will be sorely missed.
11:20 – I begin unloading my precious cargo in the pediatrician’s parking lot.
11:40 – I struggle my way into the door of the actual office, sweat trickling down my brow, having repeatedly dropped and retrieved approximately forty-five items on the way in- including but not limited to the babies’ up-until-now clean taggy blankets.
11:55 – we’re called into the office where I must strip both babies for the weigh-in. As I’ve mentioned, I always get nervous for Sadie’s weight results and today she manages to lose an ounce from her last weight check with her nutritionist. But hey, different scales right? Mattie, on the other hand, is only five pounds from needing to use the adult scale. She’s more like livestock than a baby –a fact that seems to make everyone involved very cheery.
12:10 – The doctor comes in to chat. All is fine for a few moments until Sadie squirms out of my arms and insists on crawling around on the floor of the doctor’s office which I’m sure would test positive for about fourteen different strains of influenza including Swine Flu in a heartbeat. I chase her around while simultaneously trying to make Matilda keep her diaper on. This goes on for what seems like an hour.
12:15 – It is pronounced that Sadie needs speech therapy. This I know. The doctor also tells me I shouldn’t worry about her because she’s growing and developing at her own special pace. Too late.
12:20 – I pop half a Xanax while the doctor goes to find out exactly how many shots the girls will need. He comes back and tells me they are way behind on shots (due to the fact that at every well baby check up they haven’t been well and also due to the fact that I purposely let them get a bit behind out of worry over my little baby getting too many vaccinations too close together) and will need minimum three each.
12:21 – I pop the other half whiles the doctor goes to alert the nurse to load up the syringes. Yeah, I just used the word whiles.
12:30 – I follow Sadie as she flees down the hall since she’s escaped not only my grasp but the heavy sliding door to our examining room. I get back with Sadie just in time to see a diaperless again Mattie taking off down the hall. I realize the diaper she’s left behind is wet and I don’t have a spare since that was the spare. I silently curse myself.
12:35 – the nurse comes in with the shots. The babies are now completely unmanageable due to crankiness, hunger and thirst. Of course I have no snacks and a drink for only one baby. This visit is going fantastic!
12:40 – I physically restrain my children as they scream whilst getting shot up multiples times each and only comforted by a dirty taggy blanket and a Hello Kitty band-aid. Uh huh, I used the word whilst this time.
12:45 – I struggle out of the office promising to pay my balance “really really soon!”
1:00 – I make it through the front door barely alive, hit both babies up with Tylenol, feed them, put them to bed and hunt for another Xanax. Wouldn’t you know it, I’m all out.
4:00 – I call my pediatrician’s office to make an appointment for my older daughter whose just alerted me “It hurts when I pee, mommy.”
See you tomorrow, doc!
Swine flu hasn't just made doctor's appointments harrowing. Read about the repercussions of swine flu school closings .