My husband and I haven’t had sex in at least three weeks –to be honest it’s probably longer but I’ve lost track. I’m one of those moms, the ones you don’t hear as much about, the ones who have no ability to keep a balance in their life. If you read an article in a magazine with the word Family or Parenting in its name about how to get more lovin’ in your life –and I’m not quite sure what makes someone an expert in the field to how to manage a family of five, a fulltime writing job and an eating challenged baby without needing prescription medication –they will suggest to make an appointment for sex. Sounds good in theory but right now my Microsoft Outlook calendar is completely marked up with doctor’s appointments, which days my preschooler has a day off of school for a “holiday” (read: staff day off), and daily grocery lists. Don’t get me wrong, I’d actually love to have more late night rendezvous’ with my husband, who is still as foxy and funny as the day he proposed to me with Color Me Mine Mugs, but when exactly is this supposed to happen? Now instead of giving each other backrubs, we are way too busy handing off babies and chores to each other –dividing and conquering, helping each other get our jobs done so we can continue to pay our mortgage.
During the months I’m on a deadline, everything else falls by the wayside. I can’t take a day off to screw around at the mall, go get my toes done, have a little “me time” as has been suggested to me as a way to keep a healthy balance. My book isn’t going to write itself. My boss doesn’t care that I haven’t had any “me time.” He needs to get the book he paid for in on time. My “failure to thrive” baby can’t miss her fourth doctor’s appointment of the week because “Mommy needs to take her best friend out to lunch for her birthday.”
But this is my life. This is the life I’ve chosen –okay maybe not the twins part –but that’s what I was given. That’s part of the gamble we take when we choose marriage and babies –that something has to give –be it time, sleep, sex, shopping, hanging out with friends. Sometimes one part of life gets put on hold for awhile and then comes back. And some things never come back –at least not the way they were before. But if I could turn back time like one of those switcheroo movies I haven’t gone out to see in over four years, the one where the person sees what life would be like if they made a different choice, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I would hands down choose this path again and again.
My husband and I both have jobs, responsibilities, friends we barely see, emails we can’t return, broken things in the house that never seem to get fixed and yet…I look at people who seem to have it all like Kelly Rippa. Didn’t she have like six kids in the space of a couple of years and never skip a beat on her show? I have to wonder, has it been more than three weeks since she’s had sex with Mark Consuelos? For awhile she was doing Regis and Kelly plus that sitcom, the one I can’t remember the name of and certainly don’t have time to Google. By the time she gets home at night does she have the energy to read stories to her kids? Get down on the floor and do a puzzle with them? Give them their bath? Are her children even still awake when she gets in? If she does spend some time with her kids, can she then cook dinner for her husband, or even order take-out? Does she put on sexy lingerie and schedule “sex dates” with Mark? Or does she just barely manage to throw on a pair of sweats, brush her teeth and fall asleep watching Housewives of Orange County still in her full make-up like the rest of the working moms I know? I have a feeling it’s the latter. And I have a feeling there’s not a lot she can do about it. So, none of us really “have it all” but, at least most of us don’t have to wake up and work out at 5:00 a.m. so they can be super skinny for their TV job. So there’s that. And that’s something! Almost makes me feel like getting frisky! Almost.