Will You Be My Friend?
by Kerry Rivera
Hi. My name is Kerry Rivera. I’m a thirty-something mom of two rambunctious, wonderful boys (ages 2 and almost 5). I have a super-supportive, hunky husband. I work full-time for Toyota as their Marketing and Advertising Manager. I have a roof over my head, a healthy body and generally a sane mind. All in all, life is good. But I do have something missing … something that has really started to gnaw at me. Where the hell did all of my friends go?
For Mother’s Day, my husband bought me this great book, The Girls of Ames, about these 11 wonderful women with roots in Ames, Iowa. Now in their 40s, and spattered around the country, they have managed to keep tight bonds for several decades. In other words, they are the epitome of female friendship. The book nearly brought me to tears (thanks honey), and as I finished, it had me questioning the quality of my own friendships. If I’m Thelma, where is my Louise? Why am I missing out on book clubs and girls’ nights out? When was the last time I did lunch with a friend? A late-night chat?
Do a few quippey exchanges on Facebook count?
Now don’t get me wrong … I do have friends. But I guess between waking up at dawn, getting two little ones out the door in the morning (generally by 7 a.m.), commuting to work, powering through the workday, maybe catching a mid-day workout at the corporate gym, commuting home, dinner, baths, books, getting ready for the next day, maybe a brief dialogue with hubby and 30 minutes of mindless TV (thank God for E) … I’m done.
My husband is definitely a rock who can pump me up … he’ll even watch my cheesy chick flicks. But it’s not the same as speaking to a girlfriend … someone who will gossip, listen, reaffirm you’re doing a great job as a mom … and compliment your figure and cute, new shoes.
Still, as any working mom knows. Balancing a full-time career and family just about sucks everything out of you. Work pays the bills. And the time I get with my boys is precious and a top priority. But friends? I need to find a way to work them back into my life too.
I’ve read all of the articles and know this phase of a woman’s life is extremely demanding. Still, is there a way to revive the joys of sisterhood? My friendships are holding on by threads.
How do you stay in touch with friends? Have you found a way to keep girlfriends on your “to-do” list? I welcome your tips … and if you want to compliment me on my shoes (I’m wearing plaid ballet flats today), that would be OK too.
06.20.09
With a supportive husband, work out a regular routine where you network every few months with similar friends in need. It's like working out. You have to commit to a regular routine or in this case, a regular social networking time. BTW, ... cute shoes!
06.17.09
I'm so glad I'm not alone. I just got back from Oregon- I live in CA- where I flew just to be near my mommy friends. They all moved to the Pacific Northwest. It was so good for me. I work full time, have a 7 month old. I would love to meet more moms who can relate, but where do I start?
06.17.09
I have a 21 month old as well as a 15 yr old teenager, and I work full time- what works for me is facebook, instant message, and little check in voicemail calls between my close friends - and we always try to plan something at least every 3 months where we get girlfriend time, whether with our kids, husbands or not - it helps us find time to connect, make sure we are all good in our lives- that little bit of effort goes along way and makes a huge difference in feeling like you are still connected with your friends!
06.17.09
I hear you. Somewhere along the way, I lost touch with my friends when my son was born. In reality, I lost touch with me too. But it changes as the kids get older. There's a bit more time that you can carve out for yourself - whether that's going to dinner with friends or going on a shopping spree for way-cute shoes! I like your ballet flats!
06.17.09
I work full time, have 2 year old daughter, and have barely seen my friends at all this year. A lot of my friends aren't married or have kids, so when we do see each other, it's like I'm from a different planet with different priorities. I can barely come up for air, let alone find new friends. It is an isolating time.
06.17.09
I am in the same (sinking) boat as you. I don't know if this suggestion will help any, but I am trying to focus on my time with my sons, 4 and 9. In these instances I talk with the moms whose children are also attending/participating in the same school/activity. I am taking the initiative to invite them for a play date or coffee.
06.17.09
I can totally completely relate to this. I work full time as well and have a 21 month old. I get home from work and just want to see my daughter and crash out by 9:30/10. Weekends are family time. Sporadically I see my friends-but most of those around me don't have children and I think that makes a difference. I'm going to try again to join a Mom's group. Maybe that will help?