Have It All Husbands

Is anyone else married to the Energizer Bunny? Because my husband is so chock full o’energy that it makes me want to strangle him sometimes. And if it’s natural for men to have so much energy, then why aren’t men the moms? These are questions that keep me up at night, which then causes me to become angry with my husband because I am awake, thinking about him, instead of getting the rest that I need to maintain the Defcon 5 level of my life. I do have a theory about husbands, though.

Back when I was new at this working mom thing and believed that life was fair, I often used to lie awake at night, wondering why it was that men could have it all and women couldn’t. I mean, men get to have full time jobs and play in stupid men’s softball leagues and sit around and drink beer and watch Monday night football, and yet they still also get to have kids who are so happy to see them when they walk in the door five minutes before bedtime that they actually yell “Daddy! You’re home!” and then go running into their arms. Let me just say that if I even considered getting home every night five minutes before bedtime, I would be banished from my daughter’s life forever. As it is, if I miss bedtime one night I hear about it for days afterwards. You didn’t put me to bed last night, mommy. Why did you have to go to your meeting instead of putting me to bed? I wanted you to put me to bed. Meanwhile, after working all week and seeing our children for a grand total of fifteen minutes in five days, my husband thinks nothing of spending six hours of his Saturday chasing a little white ball around a grassy area that is large enough to house the occupants of an entire third world country, and what do my children do when he gets home? They yell “Daddy! You’re home!” and go running into his arms. They do this because life is not fair. They also do this because they know that daddy’s do not experience guilt.