Risa Green
Tales from the Mommy Track is a weekly column about the daily life of a part-time working mom. Risa Green is a critically acclaimed author who lives in Los Angeles. Her previous adult novels, Notes from the Underbelly and Tales from the Crib were made into a television series. Her latest novel, The Secret Society of the Pink Crystal Ball, is a Young Adult book that will be released in September, 2010.

The Worst Mother in the World

Allow me to introduce myself: I'm The Worst Mother in the World.

Now, before you start arguing that I am certainly not the worst mother in the world, that surely, other women with uncontrollable tempers and penchants for certain class A narcotics are much more likely to hold that title than I, let me explain that I am not really talking about the World, as in, the seven seas and seven continents, but that I am talking about my world, as in, of the four people living in my house, I am the mother, and therefore the only one capable of being the worst at it.

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My Son is a Burgeoning Drag Queen.

Vacation was heaven – HEAVEN – but now it’s over, and I’m back. Within an hour of being home, my vacation high devolved into Feels Like I Never Left, and now, after a single day, it’s become Feels Like It Never Even Happened, complete with a massive, blow out fight between me and my husband earlier this afternoon in the parking lot of the Natural History Museum. It’s as if Mexico, with its balmy nights and breezy ocean views, was something I dreamed, or possibly experienced in a prior life when I was a Mayan queen and had a battalion of servants to cater to my every whim.

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The Compromise

I threw a massive tantrum last week about how I CAN NOT WORK FROM HOME ANY MORE, and as a result my husband and I have struck a deal that, I feel, is legendary enough to deserve its own name, like the way the Missouri Compromise of 1820 did. I’m calling it the They’re Half Yours, Too Compromise of 2007. At times, it was a tense negotiation. I started out asking for three days a week, working from an empty cubicle in my husband’s office.

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Paying for the Pill

If Planned Parenthood continues to come under attack from the right and loses it’s funding, then it’s not just an organization that’s at risk. The issue at stake is about access to birth control - and the fundamental right of women to be able to make their own decisions about whether and when to get pregnant. more

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there was a beautiful princess who lived in a magnificent castle high upon a hill. Ever since she was a little girl, the princess had dreamed of becoming a rocket scientist in the Jet Propulsion Laboratory. At night, after everyone else in the castle had gone to bed, her little mouse friends would bring her physics books and scale drawings of unmanned spacecraft that they had stolen from NASA, along with some tea and cookies for her to eat.

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Kindergarten Blues.

It’s a big weekend for me, coming up. There’s Mother’s Day, of course. And I should hear this weekend about whether the show is being picked up for a second season. But the biggest thing is that my daughter – my oldest – is turning five. Five. As in, going to kindergarten, learning to read, tying her own shoes, five. I’m not having a hard time with it at all. I mean, unless you consider sitting next to her bed at night while she sleeps and sobbing my eyes out to be a hard time. Okay, so maybe I’m having a hard time.

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Like, Wow

Suddenly, here we are. All those years of sleep deprivation and hard work have finally paid off, and our kids are capable and confident. But it's a bittersweet realization because it also means our babies are growing up. more

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