The Penis Problem.

We have a serious problem in our house lately. I call it The Penis Problem. The Penis Problem began a few months ago, when my three year-old son, Davis,started wearing underwear. Freed from the restrictive, super absorbent polymers of his diaper, Davis’s penis had some lost time to make up for, and it didn’t waste a second. Within two days of being potty trained, Davis’s hand took up permanent residence down the front of his pants, as if it were an old person who’d decided to head south and retire, where it was warm. After another few days, however, Davis did away with pants entirely, preferring instead to spend hisdays in a shirt and nothing else. The Why We Must Wear Pants to School discussion became a part of ourmorning routine, like eating breakfast and brushing teeth.

 

The moment he gets home from school, however, the pants come off. And I really do mean the moment he gets home from school. He literally walks in the front door, and before he does anything else, he sits down in the foyer, flings off his shoes and socks, and with great relief, pulls off his pants and underwear and leaves it all in a little boy-pile by the front door. If you saw this, you’d think the pants weighed five hundred pounds and were made of metal, or lined with thumbtacks,maybe. With the Penis flapping in the wind, he then goes off and builds forts with the sofa pillows, plays Power Rangers, creates Lincoln Log behemoths, and practices skateboarding tricks. When he tires of all of this activity, he likes to just walk around and “twirl” himself. As in, "Davis, what are you doing with your penis right now?" "I’m twirling it, mama. I like it." ‘Kay.

 

 

In the last several days, he’s also discovered that his penis can do “tricks.” For example, when he woke up the other morning, he was screaming for me to come into his room. When I arrived, breathless and thinking something horrible had happened, I found him still in bed, his pajama pants casually lying on the floor. "Look mama!" He shouted, pointing at his morning erection, which, apparently, he’d never noticed before. "My penis got big;it can do magic tricks!" Or, like the other night, when I was getting him ready for bed, he discovered that he could make it look like “a hot dog” if he pushed it back so that it retracted into the skin, which he found to be enormously hilarious.

 

asdfeeee
03.23.08

I don't think you realize that on the internet NOTHING EVER GOES AWAY. Your son might *hate* you for this in 10 years. Discretion?

sarahplaysinmud
03.23.08

So funny! I have two boys and only one went through the PP. It turns out that he felt restricted by the 'tighty whitey's' so I bought those boxer briefs from Hanes. He wears them all the time now - with elastic waist pants so he has easy access to his penis when he's alone. I remember when my first was 8 weeks old and as I changed his diaper he had an erection. I called my mother (a nurse) and asked her if I was doing something wrong! Of course not, she answered, his body is just practicing. ICK! I'm not ready for that!

Workpost
03.22.08

Funny article. Don't worry too much, the kid will eventually learn to wear pants and realize that pants are useful.

dhertz
03.22.08

Based just on the title, I thought this was going to be an article about Eliot Spitzer.

yvette37
03.17.08

This made me laugh and smile and wonder if I had a little boy would I be so smart about this. Your son is so lucky. I am glad I read this. Again thank you

shan
03.11.08

My 2.5 year old son will often refuse to wear pants, althogh we have managed to convince him that underwear is acceptable. Every time we have unexpected guests, I find myself explaining our unique fashion choice of a t-shirt and bright blue Hanes. Glad I'm not the only one!

AmyF
03.09.08

Our son is 2 1/2 and we are in the process of potty-training. Maybe I need to keep him in onesies even after he wears undwear. I remember a friend telling me about her boys when I only had two girls and thinking...phew, glad I don't have to deal with that. Let the fun begin....

Amy
Mom to 3
www.sofiabean.com

1job3kids
03.07.08

I love this post. And as the mother of 3 boys, all I have to say is: not to worry. He may not grow out of it, but he'll become more discreet.

eeturtle
03.07.08

Oh my Risa! You're scaring me a little. Hubby & I are pregnant with #1 and I'm hoping for a boy because I thought they were easier...now I'm scared. I don't know how I'd deal with that. I guess I'll just have to come to you for advice! I'm with everybody else, lighten up Elle. This obviously isn't the place for you.

flymom
03.05.08

Wow! I was going to throw in my "thattagirl" when I read elle's response. It never ceases to amaze me when in this world of death and destruction and gloom and doom-----someone can get so overraught about a harmless article about a boy and his penis!! For God's sake-----this is not an essay in Time Magazine! We're a bunch of mom's blogging about the adventures we face every day. Enough already!!!

Risa----I, too, have the PP but mine started while my son was still in diapers. (FYI---he was potty trained before his 3rd birthday!) He would flail his hands like a blind man trying to find it as soon as the velcro opened. My mother-in-law was witness to this at one point and she told me that her boys (three kids---all boys!) use to do that and she would just move their hands away. I was at the point in my motherhood journey that I was OVER advice of any kind. I promptly said, "Well maybe you should have let Jon (my husband) do it more because he's 42 years old and he still can keep his hands off it!" I don't recall EVER getting mothering advice from her again!

And FYI-----it does get better----but they remain fascinated by it! SORRY!