Working Moms Need Their Nannies: Nanny Diaries Part Two.

Well, apparently I didn’t give Sally a raise fast enough. She left us. A week after she returned from Belize, Sally vanished. It was a Monday morning and I was sitting on the train heading into the city when I got a bizarre and disturbing message on my cell phone. “Wendy, I can’t come to work today, I have to go to court. I may not be released. I’ll call you later.”

 

May not be released? What had Sally done? Was she a witness? A deportee? A murder defendant?

 

Shocked, I called my husband at home. “I think Sally is in trouble. Maybe she wasn’t allowed to leave the country, even though she told me that she had the proper papers,” I speculated. After Michael finished cursing and I reassured him that I would come home so he could go to work, I called Sally. In fact, I called her all day. We all did. Michael called, even my mother, an attorney, called Sally to say that whatever legal trouble she faced, we would help her. Sally was our glue. We’d do anything for her. But she never called back.

 

When I got home, I went into Sally’s room. It was empty. She had cleared it out before she left for the weekend. She knew she wasn’t coming back, but she never said a word. After one full year of living in my home and taking care of my children, she left without even a goodbye to my kids. I was shell shocked. I felt betrayed, empty, nauseated, pissed.

 

The nannies in my ‘hood are notorious for their tight knit, Caribbean cabal. I imagine it’s a nice sorority if you’re a member, but it functions with a code of silence that baffles us mothers. Because of the code, none of the nannies would tell me anything about Sally’s whereabouts or what had really happened. They claimed to know nothing. A few weeks later at my son’s end-of-the-year school fair, a nanny who I didn’t recognize approached me on the playground and quietly told me that she knew where Sally was. She was not in jail, but working for another family. She had been poached by a mom in my town, offered a lot more money and fewer hours. Shockingly, she was working five minutes away.

 

Sally left me for another mother. I was heart broken. But worse, my kids were truly miserable and anxious. The theory that kids are resilient and rebound quickly from these sorts of things just wasn’t ringing true. For weeks, my children asked when Sally was coming back and why she didn’t say goodbye to them. I had no good answers. I made up stories. I wound up taking a two-week leave of absence from my job to find a new nanny. And then I found Samantha.

 

justice fergie
10.09.07

WHAT insanity.

And unfortunately, I totally feel your pain. After almost TWO YEARS of her watching my girls, our nanny quit on a Saturday (my birthday on 7/28, to be exact)and said she wasn't coming on the Monday. We were baffled. And like you said, betrayed, empty, nauseated, pissed. Most of all, I was angry that she didn't say goodbye to my children. The oldest one still asks for her and it's been a little over 2 months. She never even CALLED afterwards to apologize or anything...Bizarre.

Anyway, after my husband and I taking turns staying home from work, interviewing about 8 nannies, and a whole lot of stressing out, we finally found Carol. She is from Chile and is gentle, sweet, caring, a mom, and she cleans. Oh! And drives.

So for now things are great. And lucky for me, my girls were only 3 and 16 months when the other nanny quit so they probably won't remember her soon enough.

I guess that's the risk you take when you don't go through a nanny agency.

Hope Carolina sticks it out.

selfmademom
09.16.07

Wow- I can TOTALLY relate. Our nanny of 7 months walked out on us a month ago, unexpected with 2 days notice. We have a new nanny, but it takes a lot of getting used to. I feel your pain. It's the worst. It's like getting dumped. Hope it works out with Carolina.