Mommy, Why Do You Work?
My six-year-old son Jonah wants to know why I’m not the crossing guard at his school. And he asks me almost every day why I’m not spooning out the hot food in the cafeteria or volunteering in the playground at recess. This, he explains, are the activities the other mommies are doing at his school.
Last week was “Apple Week” in his class and the teacher sent home a note inviting parents to come in and experience apples. This week it’s apparently “Tree Week,” and the same invitation stands.
For the record, I have never missed a “real” activity – a school play, fair or special event. But while I welcome Jonah’s teacher inviting us to school at 11 a.m. on a weekday, it just doesn’t quite work with my schedule, and then because I can’t go, I inevitably feel like a crappy mom.
“We’ll go apple picking this weekend and see lots of trees,” I tell Jonah.
“That’s not the same,” he says. “I want you to come to school.”
Kids want you around. They don’t care if you have a big, important job or are on television or are out there saving the world. Kids want to see their moms in their classrooms and in their kitchens and in the carpool lanes.
“Why don’t all mommies work?” Jonah asks me. “Why do you work?” The questions are straight forward but always feel complicated to answer.
“I work because I like to and because I need to work to buy you clothes and toys,” I say as cheerfully as possible.
“Can’t you just go to the ATM and get some money?” Jonah asks. Smart boy.
About half of the moms my kids know work but our schedules are all different. I am one of the few who works full time, five days a week, in
A study – one of a slew that is always done on what women want – recently found that the vast majority of mothers of school age children would prefer to work part time. This is hardly shocking. Flexibility is the Holy Grail for the working mom, something I am determined to achieve. Because then, I might even be able to get to school for “Tree Week.”
05.01.08
I really feel for you moms that have to miss the important events in your child's life. always know that guilt serves no one and you are doing great for your kids.
I am so grateful to be able to stay at home and be an entrepreneur in a business of personal development which helps me to free my mind and be the best I can in every area of my life including the most important- being a mom. Moms there is another way. Free Your Mind. THink BIg and Be Do Have if this is what you really want!
You all are awesome! Happy Mothers Day to you all!
http://www.squidoo.com/TOPRatedHomeBasedBusinessOnThePlanet
12.23.07
I just want to vent a little bit at teachers across the U.S. who schedule these events at 11 am??? Please just once... make an event at 9 am so I can drop in for a few minutes before I make my 45 minute commute to work- Please? Now, you know why you never see me at Tree Week/Apple Day/Love Day.... I long for the day when I can work part-time too...
11.08.07
I COMPLETELY understand how this mom feels! But, I am also sure that EVERY mom sometimes feels a little less than perfect. In order to balance my own life, I started a business 16 years ago, for the sole reason that I would be able to dictate my own schedule! While it hasn't always been easy working for myself, the positives outweigh the negatives by FAR! I have two children, ages 14 and 11, and have been an entrepreneurial mom throughout their entire lives. It has REALLY worked well for our family, because I can drop them at school, go to the office and to see clients, pick them up after school & shuttle them to practices or activities. Generally, I am able to work my schedule so I can be there for all their plays, recitals, awards days, field trips, etc. It's not perfect, but I'm certain that because I'm an entrepreneurial mom, I am able to participate more fully in THEIR schedules and THEIR lives!
11.03.07
I know the feeling, does the teacher have children and does she leave once a week or so to go to her child's class? I am lucky enough to be able to leave work and attend most of the activities, but definitly not something weekly. Hubby has an even more flexible schedule and he is there when I can't be...its a team effort. We should not feel bad when we have to miss a childs activity.
10.31.07
I finally have found a part-time job that I LOVE and fits around my life; not the other way around. It has been a struggle getting here, but I feel like my hard work has paid off. My daughter is only 20 months now, but I am trying to lay the groundwork for what hopefully will eventually allow me to participate in these school activities, but also help to bring in income as necessary to help our family. I think more companies need to realize that more and more parents aren't going to conform to the old fashioned corporate work hours and being chained to their desks.
10.22.07
I COMPLETELY identify with this situation. I always miss any kind of invitation to my daughter's classroom because my husband can never get out of work, even for sick days with the kids, and I have to save every one of my sick/personal days in case I "really" need them, thus missing almost every classroom invitation. My 6-year-old is SO disappointed when her classmates' parents visit the classroom and there's no sight of me. I feel like I alway have to have these discussions to prepare her for my absence..."Now honey, remember that I can't come to your school. I just can't get out of work. Maybe you can tell me about the activities you worked on when you get home." A lot of women in the community where I live are stay-at-home/home-schooling moms, and I feel like such the odd one out. Occasionally, a home-schooling mom will say stuff about how they just can't imagine putting their kid in a public school or how they're just not "daycare moms." They just can't leave their kids with a stranger all day. I commute an hour to/from work every day, to a completely different environment from which I live. I have support where I work, but I never feel like my neighbors/friends or my daughter's teacher knows how hard it is to juggle a full-time job, two kids, then dinner and my 6-year-old's homework every night in the two hours between getting home and getting them to bed...quite frequently by myself while my husband is on the road for work. It's hard to keep realistic expectations for myself, but it's true (thanks, AmyF) that I'm not the only mom who can't always make an appearance for my kids. And anyway, I could probably relax a little if I just stopped worrying about what others thought of me and just accept that this is is who I am, and I'm okay!
10.19.07
My daughter's school has their annual Walk-A-Thon today. According to her, nearly all of the moms will be there to support their child (except me). While children do exaggerate, it still hurts a bit that I don't fully "own" my time. Would Corporate America really suffer if I logged in for two hours in the morning from home, went to my daughter's event, and then came into work? Isn't the bottom line about productivity? If so, how productive am I really being by sitting at my desk knowing it's 1 p.m. and she's running her laps to raise money for the school? I wouldn't mind working full-time if I could control my time more. Yes, I know I have a job to do, but does it always have to be done in a cube??
10.15.07
yes, Flexibility is the Holy Grail...good luck to you too!
10.11.07
I run a business from home, so I can go to Apple Week sometimes if I want. For the record, there are usually only 2-3 other parents there and there are 20 kids in my daughter's class, so you would be one of potentially 40 parents who are not there.
Amy
www.sofiabean.com
10.09.07
Tree Week! Ha!
You might mention your dilemma to the teacher and she may be willing to whittle down the "Weeks" to once a month, or maybe do the activity right at the start of school so that you can participate on your way to work...
Flexibility IS the Holy Grail for the working mom. In fact, that might be my new saying :) My doctor also told me that women who experience the least amount of depression are those that work part-time. That's my eventual goal. But for now, I've got to miss Apple Week too.