The Bitch & Big Daddy.

If you’ve gotten to know me at all from reading this column, then you may have figured out that I’m a pretty practical girl. I’m not big on superstition, not a fan of forced sentimentality, and I have a low tolerance for vagueness. I’m also not very sensitive when it comes to social slights. If some friends have lunch and don’t invite me, I don’t take it personally. If someone forgets to call me on my birthday, I get over it. In other words, it takes a lot to make me upset.

 

Fortunately for me, I have nice friends, and I don’t get upset very often. But recently, I’ve found myself embroiled in what can only be called a middle school-like drama, and I am really, really pissed about it. Here’s what happened: Last year, my daughter’s preschool class had sixteen kids in it. Half of them we knew from before, including several whose parents I am very good friends with. The other half I didn’t know at all. The room mother was a woman from the half I didn’t know, and we’ll call her, oh, I don’t know, let’s see, how about, Bitch. Anyway, Bitch’s daughter was turning five at the very beginning of the school year, and for her birthday party, Bitch chose to invite only those kids her daughter knew from the year before, plus my daughter and one other girl.

 

Now, me not being sensitive about things like this, I was like, okay, whatever, and we went to the birthday party. It turns out, however, that other people are sensitive to things like this, and when the other parents in the class found out that Harper and this other girl were invited and their daughters were not, all hell broke loose. I should mention here that our preschool has a birthday party policy, which states that you either invite the whole class, or just the boys or just the girls from the class, but you may not pick and choose who you invite based on who your child likes the best, because that is just mean. Well, one of my friends, let’s call him Big Daddy, was so appalled by Bitch’s behavior – especially given that she was Room Mother – that he called her up and told her off, and then he called up the preschool Director and ratted Bitch out. You with me so far? Good.

 

When I heard about all of this, I actually spent some time trying to defend Bitch to Big Daddy. Not because I thought she was right, but because I thought he had slightly overreacted to the whole thing. Big Daddy, not surprisingly, disagreed, and he and his wife decided that they would HATE Bitch for all of eternity. Good old practical me, however, determined that, since I really had nothing to do with this, there was no reason why I couldn’t still be friendly towards Bitch and maintain my close friendship with Big Daddy. And that is how it went, for the rest of the school year. Bitch and I sometimes talked at pickup and drop off, and once, in March, she invited me and my kids over for a playdate, which went fine.

 

latebloomer
09.17.08

This is our second year in the preschool. And I've that it is crazy out there and from what I can tell most of the moms on campus either really loved their high school days or are trying to replace the memory by doing it "right" this time-they want to be popular. I try really hard to just remain polite of course I have made some mommy friends and I guess insuch have formed my own click but I was told by an experienced mom that you keep up appearences for your child's sake-make nice or your child will be the one excluded from the parties and playdates. And although I understand that I am not for everyone my four old doesnt get why she was not included in a playdate and trying to explain to her that the playdate was really for the mommies is a hard task-

collardgreen
04.16.08

I will try to be succint. I don't know you, perhaps you and I are alike. I think so. Don't give anymore of your time or energy to people like her in your life. Your time is short. When you sense her type move quickly on. You will, I promise, meet other wonderful women via your child. They do that for us, thank God since we rarely have hobbies like our husbands that cause them to make instant friends. I will end on this note.. if you want to TP her, call me. I am game.

momfabulous
04.02.08

First off, what a shame that people behaving badly takes time away from what is important! I use the rule of thumb that I always behave well regardless of how others behave. Bad behavior is nearly always about the person who exhibits it, and not the situation. Keep being your wonderful self. I suggest killing her with kindness and if she continues to quasi ignore you she will look even more ridiculous. Raising the issue directly is great if you think it is realistic that there is a possibility of resolving the issue or if it will make you feel better.

NeedTime2Deflate
03.05.08

I think you handled it great by being the bigger person. You'd think by now that people would have the maturity to approach people and let them know what's bugging them. She does sound like a Bitch, with a capital "B".

eeturtle
02.24.08

I'm with ame...Maybe she'll read this and get a clue. Some adults haven't learned to grow up yet. I'd say follow the old standby - kill her with kindness :) Go out of your way. Invite her out or something. It would make for one heck of a post next week :)

saraghina
02.24.08

Ugh. Annoying. I've gathered, since entering the working, "grown-up" world, that most people are still developmentally in junior high and see no reason to mature!

amerkert
02.20.08

Maybe she will read your post and get a clue.

spunkymommy
02.19.08

I agree - absurd, but so typical! Anyway, you are the better person for trying and I would say everytime you see her say hello and smile as you have done (but don't go out of your way), never speak ill of her to your "group" or her "group" (we are OK of course!) and let her look like the idiot. If you really can't stand it anymore, confront her privately and let her know that you stood up for her and you think this whole thing is so 1990 and tell her that you will continue to say hello and miss her friendship and when she's ready to be adult again you would like that. Then go have a martini girl!!
S.
http://spunkymommy.blogspot.com

momintheknow
02.19.08

What fodder for drama overall. If you do confront her she will probably twist it to your fault so ya know ... remember you are the bigger and better person! At least you would have closure.

Heather

www.momintheknow.blogspot.com

momintheknow
02.19.08

How obnoxious, but welcome to being a mom in school! If you confront her she feels justified in her actions and on top of that she can complain to her friends about that a meanine you are. She has a little power with her "room mom" role and is abusing it in many ways. I know this how? I have a daughter in first grade and one in second. I have seen it from all sides. I'm also on the PTA and several committees that I deal with this mentality and after 2 years of caring the third year I stopped and do my thing, I stand up for myself and I feel so much better. Yeah, they may talk about me, ignore me or even have that fake niceness to my face but heck I'm me and I know I did nothing wrong! Good for you, Risa all you did was be you. Never will you make everyone happy and you'll hurt yourself trying.
ps- I'm a "room mom" and what's all the fuss about anyway???